La Cucaracha

I think one of the biggest fears any black person (from my generation at least) has/had is that they could be accused (falsely or otherwise) of "havin' roaches". The dreaded "R" word caused beads of sweat to form on many dark foreheads.

If you knew someone that had roaches, they were ridiculed, you would never voluntarily share a seat with them on the bus and should the situation arise where you ended up in their house, you never, under any circumstances, ATE!!

Its really f'ed up that a person's sanitary level was judged, purely on the fact if they had roaches or not. Think of the countless emotional scars that have been caused by being accused of having roaches. With all the possible types of infestations one could have, a roach spotted in your domicile caused an uproar. I dont think we ever had any roaches, so I was sparred the embarrassment, but I have a few encounters I wanted to share.

In my early dating career (way before Mrs.Balogger), I bought a Christmas present for a young lady who caught my eye. I cant say she was my first love, cause I dont think she loved me (*sniff, sniff*), but she was like my first real girlfriend (i dont think I was her boyfriend though).

Anyways...

I convinced my uncle to take me to her house so we could exchange presents (exchange meaning, I give her a gift and she lets me watch her open it. Damn Ho). I was all excited because this was gonna be (or so i thought) the first gift I received from someone not related to me.
So there I am, sitting on her couch, her on the other side of the room with a neatly wrapped box containing a $19.95 gold-like plated necklace. It may not sound like much, but when you are 14 and the only job you had lasted 2months at a chicken joint, $20 was hard to come by. I was proud of that necklace. It was more than just a necklace. It was supposed to let her know that I was thinking about her on a frequent basis. Thinking enough of her to the point that I spent more on her present than I spent on my mother's!!!

The ungrateful b!tch acted like I gave her a stick a gum. Immediately, I lost interest in her, but being the gentleman that I was working my way to becoming, I fought off the urge to spit in her face and walk out of the door. Besides, I had no car, my uncle was about 15min away, and I was in the boonies. Its kinda hard to be 'gansta' when you dont have a ride.

Karma is bitch or a blessing, depending upon which end of the spectrum you experience it. It seemed like as soon as she insults my gift, I realize we are not the sole occupants of the living room. Across her dingy beige carpet, one of her "pets" makes an informal introduction.

She panics, as she should, because I immediately begin planning my exit strategy (as well as which of my friends I would tell about her nasty-ass house). All of sudden she wants to "show me this new dance from Soul Train". I guess this dance included a move where you swiftly drag your foot across the floor in a "sweeping motion" because she booted that damn bug into another room.

Boy was I glad to have seen that. That was worth the hurt of unrequited love. Damn Ho.

Roaches.

Im sure we all have had them. You cant help it. But some folks are just down right disgusting.

A few years ago, my cousin called me because he wanted me to go with him to meet some distant relatives that lived nearby. They lived in a slightly more "urban" part of the city than what I was used to, but I summoned up the courage to go tag along.

As we are sitting on the couch, "catching up", something catches my eye. Not 1, not 2, but THREE roaches have been dispatched to various locations on the walls throughout the living room. And there is no shame in there game. They are freely crawling and minding there own business. Amazingly, our newly discovered cousin is oblivious to the "slight" infestation.

After watching them crawl for about 10minutes, I happen to look down and dammit, there is f**king roach on my M*THERF**KING SHOES!!!

Immediately I am "ret ta go", but my cousin who dragged me into this science experiment is apparently having the best time.......until

I glance out of the corner of my eye and a ROACH IS CRAWLING ACROSS HIS BELLY!!!! Its actually on his shirt as if its trying to read the writing on it.

I begin to squirm.

Is he gonna see it???

Does he notice it???

Does he FEEL it???

Sensing my focus on his shirt, he looks down and freaks out! For some reason, I bust out laughing (hell, Im laughing now)

I cant take any more. I begin to itch and make my way to the door. Hood or not, Im going home.

Needless to say, despite being invited back for Sunday dinner (*nauseous*), that was the last time I saw that particular relative. Im sure they are good people, but I just cant get past the fact that they wont spray some damn Raid and get rid of the roaches.

I dont mean to be cruel or unsympathetic, but if your roach problem is to the point where they dont scatter when the lights come one, you may want need to take some advice from the champ:

Maybe I'm wrong.

What do you think Lil'Gary?

wow...I was thinking the same thing.

*Greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles, too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best.