Bad Boys, Bad Boys....

With the events that I have gone through in 30+ years, I am surprised that I am not 6' under already. Someone must be watching out for me. This post is not necessarily funny as much as it is a "how in the hell are you not in jail" story

Back in the days of my highly decorated (yeah, right) service in the Air Force, I ran into my fair share of less-than-upright citizens. This story involves a good friend of mine who I will refer to as Lee. But let me give you his background first.

Lee was your typical militant-wannabe, angry with the system, rebel without a cause. Someone who thought every thing wrong in his life was part of some Grand Conspiracy, orchestrated by The Man.

Here's an example of his mentality:

Lee was a "self proclaimed" Muslim, but like my Uncle Mark and Orenthal James Simpson, he loved White Women. I asked him why, since he was so "pro black", that he preferred white women. His response was, "I wanna do to them, what the blue eyed devil did to our people for over 400 years...F**k 'em".

Nice.

The closest I ever saw him come to dating a sister of color was this Filipino Chick that worked in our chow hall.

Anyway, Lee could not (or better yet, refused to ) follow the chain of command, specifically with a superior, who, in his words, "didnt know sh*t". Lee constantly quarrelled with this superior which led to his eventual discharge from the AirForce...which, for some reason, surprised Lee. He was actually shocked that he was kicked out for insubordination.

Well, Lee, for some reason decides to threaten his former manager with bodily harm if he ever caught him outside the gates. A couple of days later, he applies for a gun permit.

Yep...a GUN permit.

While waiting for his permit (and eventual handy dandy side arm), the local authorities stumble across the fact that he was recently discharged,involuntarily, so they alert the officials on base. They put the base on alert. Seriously. And had Lee's picture every where on base. The PX, the gym, the chow hall. You couldnt go into any facility without seeing a wanted-type flyer with his picture on it, even though he wasnt wanted.

Now that I have told you about Lee, I can tell you about that faithful night, when I did something I am almost positive, NO ONE HAS DONE AND GOTTEN AWAY WITH BEFORE.

Even though Lee was no longer in the AirForce, he still lived in the area. He managed to get the Filipino chick pregnant (lets call her Lexi) so they shacked up together near the base. Their relationship was hectic, constant fighting, bickering and accusations of infidelity.

I called him one Saturday evening to see if he wanted to hang out. He immediately goes into a rage about how Lexi and he had gotten into a major argument, he had no clue where she was, and when he found her, he was gonna "pop a cap in her ass"

What a loving home to raise a child in.

Being the quintessential Libra that I am, my only focus was to try to diffuse the situation as quickly and with as little amount of bloodshed as possible.

Me and another friend (who I will refer to as Nelson) get to his place, where he is still fuming. Nelson and I agree we HAVE to get that gun away from him. All efforts to calm him down are useless. He is determined to track Lexi down and put an end to this.....

And he needed us to go with him..

Shit

Yeah, we went.

Why? you may ask. Well, its kinda hard to disagree with a argumentative and armed brother. He kinda has your undivided attention.

We pile into his car and off we go.

For some reason, maybe it was youthful ignorance (I was 22 at the time), I was not worried. I knew that Lee wasnt going to do anything when he saw her. And besides, he had no clue where she was (i found out later, she, along with about 9 other Filipino burger flippers, were enjoying the night at Bingo!!!). And despite the fact that we were riding around town with a loaded gun in the car, didnt seem to phase us.

After stopping for drinks, Lee seemed to forget about why he was upset. Even though I didnt THINK he would do anything crazy, i couldnt take chances. I say "Hey Lee, I never got a chance to check out your piece. Mind if I take a look?"

So without hesitation, and without pulling over (cause he had it in his coat pocket), he hand me the gun. For some idiotic reason, I breathe a sigh of relief.

NOW I HAD THE GUN!!!

Immediately i separate the ammo from the gun and place them in my pocket.

In my mind, I am thinking the worse is over. I have disarmed (peacefully) a raging lunatic and prevent the senseless murder of another person...who, by the way, was drinking a 40 while driving

I should be rewarded.

Unfortunately the story doesnt end here.

I failed to mention, but this is all taking place during the winter in one of our Northern Tier states..snow and ice covers the terrain.

As we are riding down an icy slope, a car from one of the adjacent side streets, tries to cross the street in front of us. Due to the less than adequate traction of the tires, we slide right into the rear portion of that car.

BAM!!!

The driver of the other car jumps out of the vehicle, AND TAKES OFF RUNNING!!!

*maybe he knew i was packing*

WTF?!?!?!

Then, as with all accidents, the cops show up.

Their focus immediately shifts from the accident to the now open bottle of Olde English 800 on the floor and the pungent smell of malt liquor all over.

Lee spilt his beer.

The cops question him as to the owner of the bottle...cuz somebody is either getting arrested for DUI or someone's getting an Open Container Violation.

Lee says the beer is not his, because he doesnt want to confess so he shifts the blame to either Nelson...

or ME!!!!!

The same one who was trying to keep him from committing murder.

The cops, in an effort to sort this out, have all of us get in the car to discuss it. Lee in the front. Nelson sitting in the back next to me.....

WITH A GUN IN MY COAT POCKET!!!!!!!!!

Thats right...i sat in a cop car with a gun in my pocket.

THANK YOU GOD!!

There was no kind of pat down or anything. We werent under arrest. But the cop wanted us to figure out who was going to own up to the bottle.

I may have been foolish in hanging with a wannabe killer, but I am not foolish enough to own up to something I didnt do.

The story ends with Lee getting a an Open Container Violation, and Nelson finding a faithful friend in the growing onlookers, who happened to relieve me of my coat, because for some reason, in the middle of February, in North Dakota, HotAirBalogger suddenly got hot..in 12degree weather.

For reasons which are probably obvious, this little incident, put a strain on my relationship with Lee. Cant say I really hung out with him much after that. But I will never forget the night I sat in cop car....

STRAPPED!!!!





I dont know why I am putting this in here, but the above story, is 100% true. No BS here at F.O.A!!!




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