But I like women

Many years ago, while serving this beloved country of ours, I ended up in Shreveport, LA. I was there to attend a month long training session. Learning the ins-and outs of the entire electrical make-up of the glorious Stratofortress...AKA the B-52


One of the dirtiest pieces of machinery known to man.


Anyways...


My first weekend in Shreveport, I ventured out to take in some sights and look for a nice bar or club. I wanted to connect with the citizens there and see what the Dirty Dirty was really all about.


I ended up on the main strip and found nothing to my liking. Mostly a bunch of upscale restaurants. Nothing like the "hole in the wall" clubs I was used to.


"Hole in wall"?



Oh, that just means, one way in, one way out. If some shit jumps off, you better be near the door or you get trampled. For some reason, back in the early 90's, the Hole in wall clubs always seemed to attract gunfire. I have ran from many clubs in my time due to such gunfire.


But I digress.


I left upscale Shreveport and basically drove aimlessly around. Not sure what I was looking for. I drove underneath a bridge and then I saw it.


An old building with a parking lot packed with cars.


I mean PACKED!!! it must have been 70 cars there. Either that was a banging club or a used car lot.


Either way, I gotta check it out.


I park damn near 1/2 a mile from the front interest. As i walk up to the entrance, I notice a car with about 6 brothers in it, with the radio bumping.


Black folk...in a car...radio blasting...probably drinking...THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE CLUB.



I have done the same thing.



Me and my crew would purchase cheap-ass malt liquor or even cheaper fortified wine (MD 20/20, Boones Farm, Thunderbird..i drank all dat shit) and we would sit and "get our buzz on" before going in the club. We werent about to pay 6 bucks for one drink when we can get 6 bottles of "Banana red" and get drunk.



That little piece of philosophy has stuck with me to this day. I drink before I go out. Bar are way too expensive......


Dammit...I digressed again.


*Stay on topic*


As I walk past the car, the window rolls down.


Dude in car: "Yo cuz"

I think "Oh shit...gang banger..im bout to get shot/robbed"

HAB: "Wassup" (in my best Louisiana accent whatever that is)

DIC: You going in?

HAB: Yeah, Im gonna check it out

DIC: curiously smiling.."alright..I will see u in there"

HAB: thinking again "wtf???"


So I proceed on up to the club. The music coming from there is shaking everything around. THIS IS THE SPOT!!!!



I see myself coming here every weekend until I head back up to North Dakota.


I get to the front door and there is a guy there checking ID.


ID Guy: I need to see your ID (with a slight lisp in his voice)

HAB: Sure

I hand him my Military ID

ID Guy: Oh!! You are from the Air Force base. Let me give you this kind of stamp so you dont get in trouble.

HAB: Huh???


So he gives me a "special stamp", whatever the hell that means. I walk in and immediately I have two options:


Option 1: Bar is on the right side

Option 2: Club is on the left.


Well since I wasnt there to dance, but just to soak up the scenery, I decide to go to the Bar first, get a drink, then I will check out the club.


I mosey on up to the bar and order a Red Dog


And then proceed to the club.


As I walk into the club, I see the dance floor is packed. Packed more than the parking lot. So I find a stool on the wall and sit down to enjoy my drinking and watch Shreveport get their boogie on.


Here is my inner monologue:


"Man this club is awesome. I gotta come here more often.


HEY!!! Thats 2 girls dancing together. DAMN. Thats kinda hot.


OH SHIT!!!


THEY KISSED!!!!


Man, they are really open with their affections.


WHAT THE F**CK?!?! Thats 2 dudes dancing together.


OHHHHH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


THEY ARE KISSING TOO!!!!!


HOLD UP!!!!


There are 2 more dudes together....and 2 more...and..


OH GOD!!!


I'M IN A GAY BAR!!!!"


How in the world...out of all the places to go in Shreveport, I end up at a Gay Bar.


I put down my half emptied Red Dog and make a B line for the door.


As I walk, humiliated, back to my rented Geo Metro, I pass by the same car with the dudes from earlier.


DIC: Yo cuz, where you going?!?!

HAB: I gotta go

I start to walk off

DIC: Nah... hold up


I felt like Nettie from the Color Purple (I gotta go to school..No!!!...Please!!!!..Stop!!!!)


They start honking the horn and cat-calling for me. I am a few strides off from running.


I finally make it back to the car.


I head back to the base and jump in the shower. I felt like Ace Ventura after he realize the Police Chief was a tranny...even though no one touched me.


How could I have been so stupid. Of course it was a gay bar. The dudes sitting in the car were gay, they were probably planning my rape as I walked in. The ID guy with his damn "Special Stamp"...Dont ask dont tell, my ass...


uh...strike that.


Lets keep my ass out of this.


I was traumatized by this experience.


Now to any of my readers that may be homosexual, no offense. You live your life the way you want, just as I live mine. But I wasnt ready for that, at all. Maybe I could have handled it better, but keeping my anal virginity was top priority at the moment and I dont regret one single insulting gesture I may have made that night. They need to put a sign on the damn place.


Like this one:


Then folks will know.


What do u think Lil' Gary?


Thats not nice.


The views of Lil' Gary are not endorsed by the staff at "Full of Hot Air"



*Greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles, too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best