Full of Hot Air

On Hiatus

2010-03-19T07:16:00.002-04:00

Sorry folks but all good things come to an end.

The 9-5 has me tied up a contstant basis. Thats why you havent seen a new post here for months. Hadnt had time to do anything.

With that said, I had to let you know that its been real. If i ever hit the lottery or a long lost relative breaks me off, I will be back.

Please feel free to look at some of my old posts. Guaranteed laughs.

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Tales from the Helpdesk - Say What!?!?!

2009-05-12T16:02:00.006-04:00

*shaking head*

No comment, just

*shaking head*

Previous Tales

It looks like this may be a regular occurring theme

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Tales from the Helpdesk - What Kind of Drawing?

2009-05-11T11:40:00.006-04:00

(Not me)

I spend my day light hours providing excellent technical support to Physician's offices, attorneys, ans small companies that are frugal enough to outsource their Information Technology needs. More often than not, may day consists of password resets, application issues,etc. But every now and then, I get a real genius on the line. Therefore I bring to you:

Tales from the Helpdesk

Today's tale is not so much as what I HEARD, but rather what I SAW while providing superior technical support.

See if you can spot what wrong with this picture:

ERECTION DRAWINGS!!!

At first thought, you might think this was some weird request for pRon. But nooooo, this is email comes from a construction company.

I think they should try to reword their email subject.

They are liable to get that thing caught in a spam filter.

And who would want a drawing of that????

This pic get the first ever Tyrone Biggums "WHAT IN THE NAME OF CRACK-SMOKE WERE YOU THINKING?" award

****WINTCSWYT Award Winner***

Previous Tales

Rebel Runts: A Tale of Youthful Iggnance

2009-04-01T15:23:00.006-04:00

**Insert wavy, dream like music***

Year: 1981
Location: Small NC town
Characters: a very young HAB, his momma, some peers and a weary Cub Scout Leader

Scene1:
Early 80's After School program (See Daycare)

Here we find young HAB along with a couple other program participants. A new kid, lets refer to him as Ricky (not his real name) begins dialogue with HAB

Ricky: Hey, HAB. Are you a yankee or a rebel

HAB (thinking): WTF???

HAB: Uh.....I dont know

Ricky: Where were you born?

HAB: At the hospital, why

Ricky (frustrated): Where is the hospital

HAB (sounding like The Waterboy): Momma said I was born in Raleigh, NC

Ricky: YOU ARE A REBEL!!!! JUST LIKE ME!!!

HAB (confused): A what??

Ricky: A Rebel, man. Like in the Civil War. We are rebels and we hate Yankees!!!

HAB was thoroughly confused. He had heard about the Civil War only briefly in his 4 years of schoolin'. He was intrigued to learn more

HAB: Why am I a rebel

Ricky: Cuz you were born in the south.

HAB: South what?

Ricky: THE SOUTH!!!!

HAB: I was born in the North. NORTH Carolina

Ricky: Thats still the south.

HAB: If you say so

Ricky: I got a great idea. Lets start a club and only let in guys that were born in the south, like us. We will call ourselves "Rebel Runts" cuz we are still little fellas

HAB: YEAH!!!

So Ricky whips up some rudimentary cards from loose leaf notebook paper and comes up with something similar to this:

Yes, folks. That IS a Confederate Flag

Now, at this point in the game, all i knew about the confederate flag was based on these guys:

Friday nights at 8, it was me and the Duke Boys, Uncle Jessie, and especially DAISY!!!

My first bout of Jungle Fever!!!

Anyways, after Ricky planted the seed of thought that somehow, me and the Duke Boys had some sort of allegiance to the same entity, it was Rebel Runts fo' Life!!!

We made admission EVEN more stricter than being born in the south. You had to also live in a CERTAIN county. So even if you were born in the 'South', if you didnt live in good ol' Juuuuunsun County, you couldnt be a member

Yeah

We were hard core

Up to this point, I still had no clue about the tainted past (& present) of ol' Stars & Bars.

Imagine my delight when, on the following Saturday, at my bi-monthly CubScout meeting, or group would be going to see a live FAKE Civil War battle.

North vs. South

Union vs. Confederates

Brother vs. Brother

I would lay awake at night wondering if I could join in the fight...fighting alongside my Confederate brothers. Taking down the oppressive Union forces. Liberating the south from the tyrannical grip of Lincoln

Finally the day came. My Scout leader picked me and couple of other scouts up from home and we headed to Bentonville, NC....famous for the great Battle of Bentonville!!!

"Oooooooh, I wish I were in the land of cotton....."

Uh...

Yeah

So anyways,we get there and this place is PACKED. As the battle goes on, I am swelling with pride. My Rebel brothers are taking the battle to those Blue Coats. Canon fire, rifle blasts, screamin, Yeeeee Hawwwwww-in.....its all there. And I am caught up in the hype.

After the battle was over (I dont know, nor give a shit, who won...if you want to know, google it, dammit), we head over to the gift shop to browse through overly priced trinkets.

Thats when I saw it.

In all its majesty....

All its glory....

Sitting in a barrel with 37 other similar items, I saw THE CONFEDERATE FLAG for $7!!!

The $10 my mom gave me would soon vacate my pocket. As I picked it up, my Scout Leader, for some unknown reason tried to convince me to buy an American flag.

WTF?!?!?!

Im a REBEL RUNT, BEOTCH!!!!

I didnt really say that, but that how I felt.

How dare he try to dissuade me from supporting my brothers in arms. My Confederate brethren would KNOW that I, HotAirBalogger, was a PROUD supporter of their cause. No longer would i sit idly by while the boot of the Union army was on the backs of weary Confederates. They will know, dammit

THEY WILL KNOW!!!!

After I PROUDLY paid for my flag, I felt like all eyes were on me. The bitch behind the counter looked strangely at my purchase. Likely from the North.

The sounds of beating drums began to float into the gift shop. The word 'parade' started to float around. I ran to the door to see what was going on.

THE TROOPS WERE MARCHING BY!!!!

YES!!!!!

This was it. This is what I had been waiting for. Now the would all see my dedication to the cause. I ran out the door...flag in hand

(I could have sworn I heard my Scout Leader yelling my name and running after me)

I stood along the road with the rest of the revelers. I hoisted my flag to the highest point my chubby little arm could reach.

And I yelled

Screamed

Shouted

Cheered

It was all for MY Confederate army!!!

I waved my flag back and forth. I was delirious with excitement.

But...

I still had that nagging feeling that people were staring at me. As if they had spotted a unicorn, a leprechaun, or a mystic relic, never before seen. It was as though no one was watching the parade, but instead, were looking at me!

They must have been awe-struck by the dedication of such a young lad to the Confederate cause.

That had to be it.

I felt even more proud.

This would be a day they would NEVER forget.

I knew that when I returned to school, EVERYONE would want to be a REBEL RUNT!!!

When I got home, I jumped out of my Scout Leader's car...flag in hand. My mother came out to greet us but must have bitten her tongue as I ran by, because I saw her mouth drop. I wasnt gonna concern myself with it right now. I had to find the perfect place for my flag.

I heard elevated voices coming from outside.

I looked out the window and I saw a look of confusion on my mother's face. My Scout Leader, head hung low, was saying something like "We tried, Mama Balogger. He said he had to have it"

She wasnt angry, but instead she had the same look of bafflement on her face, just like everyone else.

Did I miss something?

Was it me?

No.....I now knew what captivated the souls of all!!!

It was the flag!!!

They were mesmerized by the awesome-ness of the Stars & Bars. It produced a trance like state. My mother was obviously not prepared to behold its awesome-ness. My Scout Leader, by being in its presences for so long, could only hang his head...in reverence to its glory.

YES

They would respect the flag

They would honor the flag

They would come to my room to pay homage to the flag.

I made up my mind that I would make it my life's journey to carry this flag...FOREVER.

A few weeks later, my cousin came over. I couldnt wait to see his reaction to MAJESTIC FLAG of WONDER.

When he walked in, he had the same reaction as my mother.

Eyes wide open

Mouth dropped

Speechless

Yes, i thought. All those who enter, must bow.

KNEEL BEFORE ME!!!!

But his speechless-ness did not last as long as others. Instead he grabbed the flag and tried to rip it.

NO!!!!!!!!!!!

We began to scuffle. I asked him why was he trying to destroy the glorious Stars & Bars. It was then that he said this

"THAT FLAG IS FOR THE KLAN!!!!"

"who are they??"

"They hate us"

I was crushed.

Devastated.

All of my hopes and dreams went up in flames.

I had lived a lie.

I had been decieved.

I made up my mind to never again be misled.

No more Duke Boys

No more "Im from the south"

No more....REBEL RUNT

The south truly had fallen.

For those of you who havent put 2 & 2 together, I am very much an African American. The majority of us frown upon the Confederate flag as well as anyone who proudly displays it.

Tales from the Helpdesk pt. 2

2009-02-20T14:26:00.004-05:00

(Not me)

I spend my day light hours providing excellent technical support to Physician's offices, attorneys, construction companies and small companies that are frugal enough to outsource their Information Technology needs. More often than not, may day consists of password resets, virus & application issues, etc. But every now and then, I get a real genius on the line. Therefore I bring to you:

Tales from the Helpdesk

HAB: Thank you for calling _______ Support. This HAB

Caller: Hi, HAB.

HAB: How can I help you.

Caller: I moved my compooter to another desk and now I cant get my emails

HAB: Hmmm...Can you get out to the internet.

Caller: I dont know

HAB: Well lets try that first. Open up a web page and go to ****Our remote support site****

Caller: It says the page cannot be displayed.

HAB: Ok. It sounds like you may not be connected to the network.

Caller: Well I just moved my pc to a new desk. I THOUGHT i hooked all dem wires back up.

HAB: Well, let make sure everything is connected

CALLER CRAWLS UNDER DESK

Caller: I found a cable that looks like a big ol phone plug. Should that be connected?

HAB: Yes. That's what your pc uses to communicate

CALLER PLUGS IN THE NEWLY DISCOVERED UNPLUGGED CABLE

Caller: Ok. I plugged it in.....HEY!!!...My emails are coming in. YOU DA MAN, HAB!!!

HAB: *sighs* Thank you for calling

For the first installment, click here

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Boy Marries Dog

2009-02-20T10:01:00.002-05:00

BHUBANESWAR, India (Reuters) - An infant boy was married off to his neighbors' dog in eastern India by villagers, who said it will stop the groom from being killed by wild animals, officials and witnesses said on Wednesday.
Around 150 tribespeople performed the ritual recently in a hamlet in the state of Orissa's Jajpur district after the boy, who is under two years old, grew a tooth on his upper gum

*********************

Maybe he should have married an Orthodontist

Those silly Indians

*********************

.....the boy will still be able to marry a human bride in the future without filing for divorce.

*********************
A HUMAN bride!??!!?

No CATS?? No COWS??

And what about the dog? What does she do? Is she just supposed to forget about the relationship. The protective care that she provided to that child is just thrown out the window now????

Sheesh

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Christopherpes Brown & Rihanna

2009-02-10T15:33:00.006-05:00

Her what????

Her Pes

Herpes!!!

Thats right!!!

From a less than credible news source:

The plot thickens in the Chris Brown and Rihanna scandal. Rumor has it that Chris Brown blew up at Rihanna because she gave him an STD - herpes to be exact. Various blogs claim that Rihanna got herpes from a famous rapper and passed it on to her current boyfriend. Guess who the rapper was. I’ll give you a hint, starts with “J”, ends with “Z”. The R&B singer supposedly just started showing the symptoms and lashed out at his girlfriend as a result.

Full of Hot Air is not in the bidness of spreading rumors. I normally wouldnt give this a second thought, but damn!!!

IF...let me repeat that....IF it is true, Chris Brown, your career is done.

You could have bounced back from the domestic violence thing. Sure you beat up Super-Fine-Ass Rihanna, and there are literally thousands of young (and old) males who are preparing to put some hot shit in your dome, but seeing as how forgiving black folk are (OJ, RKelly, MJ), 3 years from now, this whole thing would have been a blurb on your wikipedia page.

But now there's a chance that you might have a run up in some tainted love? And got herpes? All those screaming fans have just left the building. The best advice I can give you is to tell you to check these folks out.

And the source also 'claims' that Rihanna got if from the Jigga Man

H to the E-R, P to the E-S

Im sure Beyonce is at the free clinic now, using the alias Rhonda Mexico, getting herself checked.
Damn Chris.

Nothing further....

Just...DAMN

SAY IT AINT SO!!!!

Chris Brown Assaults Rihanna Over Herpes

*******UPDATE********
The stafff at Full of Hot Air has just been informed (2/11/09 @ 4pm EST) that the altercation actually stemmed from a poorly executed creep move by Mr. Brown
http://www.tmz.com/2009/02/11/text-message-ignites-rihanna-brown-violence/

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How I spent my Christmas Holiday: 1982

2009-02-10T09:23:00.002-05:00

The following takes place in a small suburban city

A young HotAirBalogger was sitting quietly in class, trying to get his "learn on". His 4th grade teacher, lets call her 'Mrs. Jackets', was out of the classroom, leaving her students to work on the problem of the day. Classmates of young HAB were being unruly as usual, preventing him from concentrating.

As hard as he tried, he just could not focus. In what he thought were moderate levels of communication, he began to converse with classmates in his surrounding area. He knew that trying to speak with his best friend on the other side of the room would not constitute a moderate level of communication.

Young HAB stood up, most likely to stretch his legs in anticipation of the afternoon game of kickball. He was such of fan of kick ball. So much so, that he asked his mother to buy him a pair of "Dingo" boots with the pointy toes, to give a little extra 'umph in his kick. He did not realize (nor did he care) how country his husky ass looked. A black kid walking around with cowboy boots. But more on that another time.

Little did young HAB know, but Mrs. Jackets was on her way back to the room. Apparently, this particular day Mrs. Jackets was not in the greatest of moods. When she walked in the room, she saw several of her students acting in a behavior that was not conducive to learning. The chastisement seemed to never end. She singled out 10 classmates, who, in her opinion, were the 'ring leaders'...

One of them being Young HotAirBalogger!!!!

A ring leader???

Say it aint so.

As punishment, she told the delinquents that they had to write the following sentence:

Dont trouble trouble till trouble troubles you because if you trouble trouble, trouble will surely trouble you

Not once..

Not twice...

Not three times a lady....but

100 TIMES

She said this had to be turned in by Monday.

It was Friday.

DILEMMA

HAB had to get this done over the weekend. But how could he do so with out alerting the parental unit? He could never get this done under her watchful eye.

Should HAB notify his mother?

Definitely not.

This Latch-key Kid would write as much as possible that afternoon prior to his mother's arrival from work.

I wrote it 32 times....

....and had a wonderful 'kid fun' filled weekend

FAST FORWARD TO MONDAY

Back at school...

HAB nervously walked past Mrs. Jackets desk. He asked other wrongdoers if they finished the writing, all of them replied in the affirmative. Sweat began to bead up on his head. Maybe Mrs. Jackets would forget about it. Maybe she would ask for it at the end of the day. That way, HAB could 'discretely' work on it.

"Before we get started, I need some paperwork from those of you who failed to follow instructions on Friday"

Shit

HAB watched as the 9 other miscreants turned in their assignments. HAB was last in line. As he handed Mrs. Jackets 32 poorly written sentences, he managed to utter the following:

"I didnt get a chance to finish"

"I told you to write this 100 times. I gave you all weekend to do it. Why is this not completed, HAB!?!?"

"I dont know"

"Since you failed to follow instructions for a second time, instead of 100 times, I want you to write it 200 times......

by tomorrow!!!"

I could have sworn she said "beeotch" at the end

HOLY SHIT ....i thought

How in the f**k am I gonna write that shit 200 times in 8 hours (cuz I aint losing sleep over this)

That evening I stayed in my room. Writing...Writing...Writing.

By the time I went to bed, I had a total of 67 (thats a long ass sentence).

When I woke up the next morning, 133 sentences shy of my goal, I knew what I had to do. I had avoided it for 4 days, but I was left with no other option. I tried to find an alternate solution, but aside from suicide, there was only one reasonable thing left to do...
.

.

.
"Mom..."

"Boy!! Didnt I tell you to get ready for school!!! Have you brushed your teeth?"

"Yes Ma'am. I need to tell you something."

I proceeded to explain to my mom how, even though I DIDNT DO ANYTHING, I was grouped together with the other derelicts in the class.

There was a long pause.

I looked at my mother's face.

I had seen that look before.

It always proceeded the words, "Go get me your belt!!!"

But not this time.

She walked past me and picked up the phone. She called her boss and said she would be in late that morning.

Be in late??!?!

WTF???

I went back to my room...and waited.

I envisioned my mother chopping my 9yr old chubby torso up into pieces small enough to be scattered in the woods, unnoticeable to passer-bys.

Maybe this would be the whoopin's of all whoopins. One that would last several hours. Maybe she needed to build up her strength to administer this beating.

What was she gonna do?

10 min later, my mother appeared at my door, dressed a tad bit better than her normal office attire. Not quite church worthy, but a little nicer than what she normally wears.

Why did she need to dress up to beat me? Why did she take off from work? Why am I still sitting here? Why havent I made my way to Mexico, or joined the circus?

"Get in the car"

"Huh??"

"Dont 'huh' me boy. I said get your ass in the car!!!"

This was it.

I was being driven to the murder scene. I slowly got in the car holding back the tears. Not yet smart enough to try to beg for a reprieve, forgiveness...mercy. I just accepted my fate.

As we drove away from home, I began to reflect upon my life. My friends who I would never see again, my new little brother, my bike, my Star Wars toys. I thought about that last Cub Scout badge was trying to get.

I was too late.

Dammit, I just didnt have enough time!!!

My mother's voice jarred me from my thoughts.

"Let's go"

I looked out and discovered that we were not in the woods, or at a lake, or any other location used in the movies for murder/death/kills.

We were at my school.

Whats going on.

Was she gonna kill me at school? I knew my mom was a bad-ass, but to commit murder in front of others?

Damn

I almost felt proud of her boldness.

We went straight to my class.

Mrs. Jackets greeted her at the door and told me to take my seat. They stepped out in the hall for what seemed like an eternity. The whole time, my classmates were inquiring about why my mother was there, and if I had finished my writing.

The next thing I know, I saw my mom walking away from the classroom.

Mrs. Jackets began the day's lesson plan.

WHAT.THE.F**K.IS.GOING.ON!!!!

When my mom got home that evening, she told me that over the next couple of weeks (during the Christmas break)I would be writing. Any spare moment I got would be spent writing. I was gonna write that sentence 200 times, before I was able to enjoy any portion of the holiday break from school. And it took just about the whole time to do it.

I developed a system, a pattern if you will, of writing it. So it wouldnt seem like I was writing it over and over.

I would write "Don't" all the way down (every 3 lines..it took 3 lines to write it once), then "trouble"...etc.

My hand hurt so bad. I went through so many pencils.

Finally, 3 days before school started back, I finished. I looked at the thesis size amount of paper I had compiled. I felt like I had just reached the apex of Mt. Everest.

I did it.

The first day back to school, I proudly walked up to Mrs. Jackets desk to had her the 37 pages it took to write it. I stood back and with a slight grin on my face. I was bold...cocky...as if to say, "what else you got?"

She thumbed through about the first 3 pages and then....

THREW THE WHOLE LOT IN THE TRASH...

RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE!!!!

At that point in life, I never contemplated bitch-slapping someone, but that what immediately went through my head. It was like she had thrown money in the toilet and flushed.

Being the type of kid I was, and knowing the crazy lady I called "Ma", I resisted the urge to commit a crime of passion on Mrs. Jackets. I took my seat and began to cry

...inside.

That evening at the dinner table, my mother asked me what happened. I told her how Mrs. Jackets had basically insulted me by throwing my life's work in the trash, in front of me.

I expected my mom to take another day off from work. Drive up to the school and give that hussy a piece of her mind. But instead...

She laughed.

Immediately, I felt betrayed.

She then explained to me that on the morning she took me to school, she talked with Mrs. Jackets. Mrs. Jackets told my mother that I didnt have to write that. She was surprised that I had behaved in such a manner to begin with. She knew I was a good kid and felt like the lesson had been learned. There was no need for me to write any further. But being the type of mother that expects you to take responsibility for your own actions, my mom told Mrs. Jackets that I WOULD write it...ALL OF IT. And if it took me until high school graduation, I was gonna turn in 200 well written sentences.

Thanks Mom.

To this day, I have never forgotten that sentence, nor how I ended up writing it 200 times. Mrs. Jackets later left the teaching business, to pursue a career in Insurance. And guess who was one of her first (and 27 years later, still) customers?

My mother.

Frequently, my mom tells me that she had to go by the insurance office to take care of something, and Mrs. Jackets ALWAYS asks about me. She ended up being one of the best teachers I had. I will never forget her.

And I will never forget:

Dont trouble trouble till trouble troubles you because if you trouble trouble, trouble will surely trouble you!!!

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..And now for some Toilet Humor

2009-02-09T15:23:00.003-05:00

**************************

An elementary school principal could be disciplined for allegedly forcing a 6-year-old boy to unclog a toilet with his bare hands. The principal of Rahn Elementary has been on paid leave since mid-December while the school district investigated a complaint from the boy's parents. The school board proposed disciplinary action on Thursday. The nature of the discipline wasn't made public.

The boy's parents claim their son told them the principal made him clean out a toilet bowl that the boy had accidentally clogged on Dec. 12. The boy told his parents he wiped himself with paper towels, instead of toilet paper, causing the clog.

The principal declined to respond to the claims Thursday. He also didn't say what disciplinary action was proposed and whether he'd appeal.
***************************

First of all..

"...he wiped himself with paper towels..."

OUCH!!!

He must have really had to shit to resort to paper towels. There was no more TP anywhere??? Maybe he didnt realize the lack of TP until he was already fully committed.

At age 6, he's got a lot to learn. When using public facilities, check for:

1. Other occupants

2. Isolated stall

3. Protective covering

4. TP

Im trying to keep this post clean but damn. This kid actually stuck his hand in a toilet. My question is, how boring must this principal's day have been to actually monitor who shat and clogged up the toilet. And on top of that, who gives a shit (apparently the kid...*rimshot*) who clogged the toilet. The kid is 6. Call John or Donald (my high school janitors) to snake the damn thing and keep it moving.

Shit.

What do u think Lil' Gary???

Notoriously Confused

2009-01-27T15:23:00.027-05:00

Maybe its me, but when I see a biopic, I kinda expect the the actor/actress to, in some way, shape, or form, resemble the historic/famous person they are betraying.

Even though I have yet to see it (even though its on my "MUST DO" list), I see that Angela Bassett is portraying Voletta Wallace in the new Biggie movie.

She

Is playing her

I dont see it. I know Angela is a great actress, but without tons of dark makeup. Its just not gonna be convincing. I cant wrap myself around it.

When she

played Betty Shabazz

(Wife of Malcolm X.. for those that didnt know)

I didnt concern myself with her look. Even though there is no resemblance. That movie came out at a time in my life when I was deep into any and everything related to Malcolm (I still am to a certain extent). So, I was blinded by the fact that one of my heroes had a movie (with numerous inaccuracies) about his dynamic life. Even though Denzel

looked NOTHING like X,

I still kinda enjoyed it.

When she played Katherine Jackson,

I was with it. She had her polio-limp down perfect. I could almost imagine thats what Katie looked like back in the 50's and as the movie went on, she grew on me. Being a huge MJ fan, I was wrapped up in the hype behind the movie. But that whole lineup was jacked up now that I think about it.

Lil' Jason Weaver as Michael Jackson!?!?!

The only one that looked like they belonged was the kid playing Jermaine Jackson(2nd from the right)...cuz thats his son!!!

Sheesh....

Back to Angela...

When she portrayed Tina,

I didnt bother trying to wrap my mind around it. I was too wrapped up in the movie. (Laurence Fishburne as Ike Turner was awesome...ANNIE MAE!!! I WANT YOU TO PUT SOME STANK ON IT).

Now she is Voletta Wallace

Dont get me wrong. I am dying to see this movie like the rest. Its a film about my favorite rapper, so I have to show some love. But since Voletta probably couldnt act her way out of a pair High-Top Jellies, they had to find someone else to represent her. I understand you want top notch actors for a film of this calibre, but damn. She dont look like Voletta!!! They couldnt get Whoopi Goldberg?

Who is Angela gonna play next?

That might be better for Whoopi, too!!!

And this aint the first time Hollywood has PISSED me off with actors playing real folk.

Rewind to 1978....

Paul Winfield as MLK

Close, but, nah

Then in 1997 some idiot decided that he

looked like him

Eddie Winslow as Ali!?!?!?!?

Thats SUPPOSED to be Ali on the right!!!!

Hell naw!!!

E'r body knows Will Smith was the best Ali...besides Ali

I never was a big Temptations fan until the 1997 mini-series, but I knew he

NEVER EVER EVA came close to looking like him

Melvin Franklin , aka "Blue" from the Temps, yall

Dont get me wrong.

There have been some decent portrayals

Jamie pulled off Ray Charles

very well.

And who could forget his "Ali" portrayal of Drew "Boondini" Brown

He had the hair and everything

Sometimes Hollywood takes an actor and, with the help of makeup, creates a damn near perfect resemblance of the historical figure in question.

I guess they knew they could never make "Lazy-eye" Forrest Whittaker

Look like Ugandan Dictator Edi Amin

Without a serious makeup job.

Im just saying that with all the advances makeup today, if you can make this

look like this

and this

look like this

Then, DAMMIT, use some of all that money you charge at the box office to make me think she

is her

Thats all.

This was, by far, the MOST DIFFICULT post of this site. All these damn pictures!!!! I hope yall enjoyed it. And by all means, go see 'Notorious'.

*Show me some love. Leave a comment (Click on "Puffs. Leave yours here")

Greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles, too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

Reviews for Sale. Inquire Within

2009-01-26T15:27:00.008-05:00

I dont put enough time into my blog to generate the number hits of other blogs that I subscribe to. What i put into is it what I get from it. Maybe if I had more free time during the day, I could post more and generate more hits. I like my blog and those few (and i do mean FEW) loyal readers I have seem to think so too.

"HAB, where are you going with all this?!?!"

Someone hit my blog to request(albeit computer generated) that I review another website today. Here is the description:

"The site brings in the beauty of Asian furniture to countries worldwide for all to enjoy.
They sell original collection of handmade, affordable solid-wood furniture made by manufacturers in Indonesia"

This presents a dilemma. The only thing I know thats Indonesian is that sticky-icky..ooo wee

Should I "whore" myself out and review this website, OR stick to my morals and leave this potential spamming nightmare alone?

I think the safer alternative would be to just go to the website and see what its all about.

The link in the email just point me to a 'snapshot' of the website. Here it is for your viewing pleasure.

Not a lot to gather from this. May not even be legit.

I could just click on the link in the email which says:

"If you are interested please click here to receive your money: "

"...to receive YOUR money"

Yeah. Ok.

I can imagine all the dam hoops I would have to jump through, just to get the few pennies they may be offering.

Not worth it

I made the mistake of trying out one of the "get paid to take online surveys" sites.

693 emails later, I think I finally got rid of them.

Its all a marketing campaign.

These companies try to entice unsuspecting folks (like myself and others) into signing up for a 'service' that they know people arent going to use (ie. online surveys, website reviews, etc.) just so they can seel your email address to spammers.

Being in IT, you would think these ploys would stand out more, but nooooo.

This time they used my blog to get to me.

They almost succeeded.

In previous posts, I have tried to herd unsuspecting sheep away from these tricksters. But I can be duped too.

Just this morning Mrs. Balogger sent this email to me:

Asking if it was legit.

These emails always have some blurb about"This works, I gots mines in blah blah"

A quick google and, to no surprise of my own, its bogus.

Its getting to the point where nothing is real or truthful or honest on the internet.

Kinda like the real world.

So, to jr06258009@yahoo.com , I am not a whore.

At least not a cheap one.

If you want my attention, sweeten the pot up a little bit. Entice me. Make want me to know more about your website.

Tell me you love me.

uh....

Maybe I am a whore

Move over beotches, HAB coming through

*HAB Note: Maybe it was wrong to post that guys email address....but F**K him. I hate non-solicited emails. Feel free to send him some!!!*

Inauguration 2009 - "Full of Hot Air" Style

2009-01-22T14:51:00.009-05:00

This should have been posted Wednesday, but my fingers were still frozen. Here it is:

The minute CNN announced Obama was nominated, I KNEW I had to be in DC for the swearing in. The week after, i found a bus trip for about $85. I was suspicious, but I went ahead and secured my spot in history.

Fast forward 2 months......

We get to our pre-designated meeting spot at midnight, Jan 20th. Right as we pull up, it begins to snow. Unlike last year's annual NC snowfall, this one brings real accumulation. 6 whole inches (That's what she said!!!).

Anyways.

There are 3 buses going to DC, and unbeknown until we board, the local NBC affiliate was tagging along. So of course, I get my happy ass interviewed. I just cant say no to the camera!

After a prayer for safe passage, we actually leave ON TIME.

1am

We pull out of the Walmart parking lot (Raleigh, NC) just as the snow picks up

530am

I wake up and find out we have pulled over for our SECOND restroom break. We are just outside our Richmond VA.

5 hours to drive about 200mi...WTF?!?!?

This bus driver was in no hurry to get there.

I use this time to "layer up". An extra pair of pants, shirts, and socks.

6am

We arrive in DC. Due to traffic issues, only charter buses are allowed access to the HOV lanes, so we bypass a lot of 'outside DC' traffic.

7am

Our driver tells us that he will be unable to drop us off at our original location. We get dumped somewhere (no clue where). We get out and just follow the crowd.

We end up on National Mall. Halfway between the Washington Monument and the Capital.

*Looks like an infestation, doesnt it??*

There must have been over a million folks there already.

And boy was it cold.

Mrs. Balogger and I walked around for a minute trying to find the best view.

One strange thing did happen while we were waiting.

This guy, standing amongst the rest of us, had a little book in his hand. He was doing some sort of bobbing motion with his body. Kinda like he bowing to a bunch of Japanese folks real fast. Now that was strange, but its not what brought him to my attention. What bothered me most was what was sitting on top of his head. It literally looked like a tie-dyed yamaka.

As if that wasnt enough, he had, what looked like several black Legos stacked on his forehead, all secured by some sort of thin black belt that wrapped around his head and then wrapped several times around his arm.

AND HE WAS CHANTING!!!

The first thought in my mind was...suicide bomber.

F**K being politically correct.

I spent over a year in Baghdad, where car bombings and suicide bombings went with my morning coffee.

Mrs. Balogger and I eased away from him.

I peeked back a few minutes later and he was behaving normally, still sporting the the Lego stack and taped-up arms.

If anyone knows what kind of religion that is, please hit me up the comments.

STRRRRRANGE

Fast forward 2 bitterly cold hours

I hate ignorant people.

For those of you that watched the coverage, you probably noticed the crowd waving American flags. This lady in front of us had 3 of them and was holding them up in the air, for no particular reason.

Because we were not fortunate enough to get close, we had to watch everything on the jumbo tron. Well, Flag Lady was blocking the view of several folks who, in her words, "should have come earlier, if they couldnt see".

Beotch!!!

That lady was insulted left and right. Someone even threw a glove at her. They must have really been pissed off with her. Fortunately for her, she was not obstructing our view. I tend to 'over react' in situations like that.

As we were standing there, one of the volunteers started asking us to move back.

Back to where?!?!?!

Come to find out, she was trying to make a path for someone in a wheelchair to leave. So we complied.

10min later, on the jumbotron we see Dick Cheney being pushed around in a wheelchair.

Someone hollered, "Is that who we had to move for"

ROFLMAO!!!

So anyway, we watch the ceremony (with the delayed audio). It was truly awesome. You could tell the crowd was not really for George Bush. When they showed him to his seat, the sea of folks erupted into "Boooo"'s

He must have felt like shit. I would have.

I got pissed when swearing in took place. Chief Justice Robert flubbed the oath.

What the f*** was on his mind.

He had ONE JOB to do.

"Senator, repeat after me: I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

Given 20min, my daughter could have done it.

*He has since retaken it. And I dont blame him. Can you imagine the lawsuits arising from folks claiming that this and that isnt legal since he wasnt properly sworn in. I learned that even before the oath was given, he was POTUS at noon. So save the lawsuits for Judge Judy*

The speech was ok. Nothing real special about it. I cant say i was really paying attention. I was too proud, too far away, and too cold to focus.

After the ceremony, we went to the Air & Space Museum to warm up. That place looked like a refugee camp. People were laid out everywhere. Some sleep, some there (like us) just to get out of the cold.

And some were there to breast feed their damn baby!!!

Thats right.

I saw a mother nursing her young...in a museum...for all the world to see.

We still had a few hours before having to meet the bus. I bought us a couple of tickets to an IMAX movie playing in the theater. It wasnt any Hollywood blockbuster, it was this. I wish I could tell you all about what I saw, but 3min after they turned the lights off...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I was out like a light.

We wondered around the museum for another hour. Around 4:30 we stepped back out into the cold. We heard a lot of screaming and look up on the jumbotron and saw the parade.

I wish we could have seen it live, but I was too tired to even think about going to it.

I was ready to go home.

Thankfully, before I got off the bus, I was able to obtain the bus driver's cell #. I called him just to make sure the bus was in the same location we were told it would be in.

It wasnt.

He said they were parked on K and 1st Street. Those of you from DC probably are saying, "Oh Yeah". Well if you arent from DC, you have no clue where that is.

We were on 7th street coming from the mall. The first street that we crossed over was D street.

Hmmm

D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K

8 blocks south, then turn left and go 6blocks, right?

Wrong.

We went D, E, F, G, H, I.....dead end.

WTF?!?!?!

Where is the rest of 7th St. It stopped at I.

Luckily a Metro bus pulled up and I told the driver where i was trying to get to. He told us to hop on and he would take us there.

10min later we get dropped off.

If I would have had to walk that distance, I think I would have said f**k it and just called DC home. It was cold.

We get back on the bus and then had wait an hour for the rest of the folks to wander around before they found their way back also.

The icing on the cake (despite the weather, it was good day) occurred when the trip coordinator got on the bus. she was raffling off a trip to Vegas. 6days/5night at the Venetian. Air Fare included.

Mrs. Balogger and I stared at our tickets.

And they were the winning tickets!!!!

Thats right. We are going to Vegas in August. And it couldnt have come at a better time.

Thanks, Mr. President

I thought these were funny

2009-01-15T10:09:00.002-05:00

Steak & Stank

2009-01-14T15:12:00.004-05:00

There are some strange folks in this world.

I was IM'ing a good friend of mine last week and he tells me he is going to get a fillet Mignon steak for lunch. Always in the mood for good steak, I asked him where was he going.
He said, "The Strip Club"

Strip.Club.

WTF?!?!?

He then proceeds to tell me about all the lunch specials that they have at the strip club. Fillet Mignon, T-bones, 12oz ribeyes. All for $3.

Then he says, to really drive the point home....

Lap Dances - $1

So let me get this straight.

I go to an establishment to eat and I have to deal with skanky whores asking for 100 pennies to dance.

I think i will pass on that one, bruh

Im not one to pass up a bargain. While a $5 meal + entertainment does sound like a good deal, how in the f*** can you eat with a disease infested cooch in your lap!?!?!

Being the good friend that I am, I try to convince him that maybe a strip club aint the best place to eat.

For some reason, I dont think I was convincing enough.

20min later i get the following text msg:

YESSSSSSSSS
i luv 'steak & stank'

Pitiful

Im reminded of the old Chris Rock routine about guys who go to the strip club in the day time. ( i couldnt find the clip on youtube..sorry)

Anybody that goes to a strip club for lunch has issues. I can see going there for a bachelor party, or maybe a guys night out, but to eat??? HELL NO

You have to wonder about the quality of women there on a Wednesday afternoon.

I think I just threw up a little.

*Show me some love. Leave a comment (Click on "Puffs. Leave yours here")

Greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles, too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

Trabajará para el pollo*

2009-01-13T10:08:00.006-05:00

I was talking with a friend of mine last night about jobs I've held in the past and it made me think about my first job:

Rewind to 1987......

I made the mistake of telling my father that I wanted a car when I turned 16. Two weeks later, Im standing in the lobby of a nearby chicken shack telling some paper-hat wearing, french-fry smelling lady why I would be a good chicken fryer/biscuit maker.

14yrs old...freshman in high school.

To give you an idea of how long ago it was, my pay... $3.85/hour. And thats when the big bucks start coming in!!!

Because I had no car, my father took me to work. Mom wouldnt let me work during the week, so I worked EVERY Saturday and Sunday. 5am - 1pm.

5am

In case you missed it the first 2 times....5 A M....thats in the morning yall

My first day on the job, I was introduced to other minimum wage employees and given my own paper hat which I had the toughest time keeping on my head. My manager tells me that because all the other 'stations' were filled, she would be finding different small tasks for me to do throughout the day.

I was shown into the freezer where I was presented with a huge box of eggs. I was given a bucket and was told to start crackin'. I must have cracked 6,218 eggs that morning. By the time my manager found something else for me to do, my hands looked like chewed bubblegum.

And there was at least a whole egg shell in that bucket. Its hard to separate yolk from shell when your digits look like pig knuckles.

They put me on the drink line where I served their 'Legendary' Sweet Tea to the patrons. Not real hard to mess that up. I made it a point to try to get the drink station err'day.

The following weekend, I find that I had been "re-assigned" to the "dining room". I asked my manager what that meant. I was instructed to wipe off the tables and empty the trays after the customer's left. This was kinda cool, because occasionally folks would leave tips.

After the breakfast rush, there was no one in the dining room and I wiped off every table at least twice. I didnt see any one in line ordering any more chicken. The place was basically empty (except for us chicken makers), so I sat down and stared out the window. Watching teenage life passing by....all of a sudden, I hear,

Manager: HEY!!! YOU!!!!
(this mofo dont even know my name!?!?! wtf?)

HAB: Yeah?

Manager: COME HERE...NOW!!!

I look to make sure he wasnt my mama, cause no body talks to me like that. I bite my tongue and santer my ass to the back where I get a 5min lecture about how Im not supposed to sit down in the dining room unless im on break and how the customer, blah blah blah....

As my punishment, I was told to go in the parking lot and pick up cigarette butts and other miscellaneous garbage. I turned a 15 min task into a 2hr assingment...And i dont think i actually picked anything up.

Damn Bastard

As time went on (2 weeks later) I learned the other functions of the rapidly prepared poultry industry. Some things I learned at this job:

1.When people get out of church, they want chicken
2.A drumstick and thigh is known as "Quarter Dark"
3.People get upset if they ask for white meat and you give them dark meat
4.1 Chicken contains 2 breasts, 2 thighs, 2 wings, and 2 legs (no, i didnt know that!!)
5.If you fill up 27 cups of tea with ice and sit them on the counter for future orders, 20min later you will pour out 18 cups of watered down tea
6.Any sausage patties not used during breakfast gets placed in a brown box in the fridge.
7.Dirty Rice contains 5day old left over sausage.

Believe it or not, I managed to stay there for 2months. When my manager asked me why I was quitting, I told her that I wasnt making $4/hr.

Did I go to a higher paying job? Nope. I was burned out. Getting up at 4am every Saturday and Sunday sucked. I had shit to do on my weekends. And frying chicken wasnt going to be how i spent it.

I didnt get another job for 2more years.

Did my father get me a car when I turned 16?

I guess you could call that a car.

*Title translation: Will work for Chicken!!!

*Greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles, too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

Election Rehab

2008-11-06T16:24:00.009-05:00

I dont think I am alone in saying this. This was the most exciting election cycles ever. From the knock-down drag out Democratic Primaries, to the knock-down drag-out Nationals, we saw it all. And I was right there.

At the expense of this blog, and 3.2 loyal readers (including myself) I pretty much stopped blogging. I was too wrapped up in the political process (that and my company just merged with another and we have been swamped). But things have settled down and now I can get back to you.

I have a few minor election-related things I wanted to bring up. For those of you that didnt catch my election night thoughts/reactions, check out yesterday's post.

WTF?!?!
Here is the photo that just totally pissed me off Tuesday.

What the f**k are you doing all that damn crying for!?!?!

Dont get me wrong.

As soon as it was announced on CNN, tears were streaming down my face as well. It was an emotional moment, but this dumbass cried the whole time Obama was giving his acceptance speech. Everytime they showed him, I thought back to this moment.

I guess it was your nuts that got cut, Mr. Jackson.

Maybe Mr. HymieTown feels like Obama stole his thunder from 1984/1988.

That could have been you Jesse!!! But you lost....twice

Thats what you get for not shaking my hand when I was in college at that homecoming game, you jerk!!!!

That fool walked right in front of my outstretched hand and didnt even acknowledge me!!!

Ok..I feel better now.

Moving on...

Iggnent Radio listeners

I was listening to the radio this morning. The host read an email from a listener (obvious disgruntled republican) who is gonna refuse to refer to Barack as President Obama and instead call him "Community organizer-in-Chief Obama".

Pretty petty, right?

Now get this.

This same genius emailed the same host a month ago, to chastise him for not referring to the current White House occupant as "President Bush".

As my cousin would say, Pot, meet kettle.

Black Republicans

My father is a Proud Black Republican, which makes me.....embarrassed sometimes. I sent him a link to my post yesterday, to which he replied "I wish him all the luck and best wishes. He has his hands full".

Nice come back, pops.

I have something to say to all you "Black Republicans".

How ya like me now!?!?!

Nutty Palin

Apparently, ol SayRuh wasnt exactly the apple of McCains eye. Among the several leaked stories going around today was one about her being difficult to prep for interviews.

Palin was apparently a nightmare for her campaign staff to deal with. She refused preparation help for her interview with Katie Couric and then blamed her staff, specifically Nicole Wallace, when the interview was panned as a disaster. After the Couric interview, Fox News reported, Palin turned nasty with her staff and began to accuse them of mishandling her. Palin would view press clippings of herself in the morning and throw "tantrums" over the negative coverage. There were times when she would be so nasty and angry that her staff was reduced to tears.

Sad McCain Supporters

Not much to say here. A picture truly is worth a thousand words.

And in closing, not only are McCain supporters pissed about the elections. President Bush's dog Barney is taking his aggression out on the media.

What do you think Lil' Gary?

*Greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles, too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

WE DID IT!!!!!

2008-11-05T10:07:00.009-05:00

Aside from my wedding & my kids being born, I cant remember feeling more proud than I did last night. From the first election results from Indiana (are yall still counting!?!?) to the moment he walked off the stage in Grant Park, I was glued to the tube.

The moment I saw this

I realized that tears were flowing. My wife, my mom, even me...all of us emotional. Never in my lifetime did I ever think I would see the day that a black man would be the President.

This is historic.

This is not your typical, FHA post. Im keeping this one serious (Dont worry, I will be back to my same old nonsense soon).

The full weight of whats happened has not fully set in yet. When I posted this article, I was hoping that I would see this day, but I was skeptical as all black people were.

"They aint gonna let no black man live in the white house"

I heard it all.

I saw it all.

People got down right ugly.

But after listening to McCain (who gave one hell of a concession speech...props to BigMac) and Obama, we need to let go of our petty differences and try to build a better country for our kids. Seeing the people in Grant Park, of all different backgrounds, made me realize that this can be a better place.

As I sit hear at my desk, I want to jump up for joy, shout from top of my cubicle, but, i cant. I feel like, regardless of party affiliation, everyone should be proud of what happened last night, but I know thats not the true sentiments. There are some pissed off folks this morning, even here. Being 1 of only 3 non-whites in my entire company, I'm sure everyone expected me to come in here acting a straight jackass, but that not me. Besides, I have been in corporate America for too long. I know they can bounce my Obama-lovin' ass right out the door.on inauguration day and not even think twice. So despite being filled to the brim with joy this morning, I am forced to contain it. I dont mind. As long as we can smile on the inside, no one can take that joy from us. Whats gonna be hard is to take, with a grain of salt, the snide comments that are gonna be heard. The whole "white guilt" argument is gonna be pushed for this election. If he won because of that, then who cares. Just like in sports, a win is a win. As long as there were no dishonest means to the win, he won.

WE WON.

Now, Black America, here is my warning to you. I know you are excited, happy, overjoyed...all that. Dont get out here and piss off these McCain supporters who may be responsible for your livelihood, who may wear a badge, or may even serve your food. You got 2 weeks to celebrate. Then maybe 3 days around inauguration time. After that, its time to get back to the grind.

Despite the joyful news last night, we, as Black Americans, did lose something. Something huge. Something that we have held on to for over 40years. What was it?

An excuse.

We have no excuse for not being the best person we can be.No longer can we say "The man is holding/keeping me down". Last night, a man that looks like you achieved the highest office in the land. So its time for you (I'm including myself) to get up and do just do something! As my widget on the right says "Get Involved".

I already know for the next 2months, I'm gonna have McFadden & Whiteheads song running out of my ears.

It's actually kinda catchy after 1,429th time....

AINT NO STOPPING US NOW......

I will post about this BS later!!!

And damn if we didnt!!!

*Greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles, too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

He ain't me

2008-10-21T15:03:00.002-04:00

I know I have been out of rotation for a minute.

Real life has taken priority over cyber-life.

Anyways...My attention was drawn back to my blog when i saw this on TMZ.com:

Contrary to what the folks over at TMZ think, John McCain is not the author of this site dammit!!!

If you google "Full of Hot Air", Im #5 on the list baby (go on and check).

I promise yall there will be more from here soon, but in the meantime, check out my girl Scarlett

*Greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles, too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

But I like women

2008-10-02T10:39:00.005-04:00

Many years ago, while serving this beloved country of ours, I ended up in Shreveport, LA. I was there to attend a month long training session. Learning the ins-and outs of the entire electrical make-up of the glorious Stratofortress...AKA the B-52

One of the dirtiest pieces of machinery known to man.

Anyways...

My first weekend in Shreveport, I ventured out to take in some sights and look for a nice bar or club. I wanted to connect with the citizens there and see what the Dirty Dirty was really all about.

I ended up on the main strip and found nothing to my liking. Mostly a bunch of upscale restaurants. Nothing like the "hole in the wall" clubs I was used to.

"Hole in wall"?

Oh, that just means, one way in, one way out. If some shit jumps off, you better be near the door or you get trampled. For some reason, back in the early 90's, the Hole in wall clubs always seemed to attract gunfire. I have ran from many clubs in my time due to such gunfire.

But I digress.

I left upscale Shreveport and basically drove aimlessly around. Not sure what I was looking for. I drove underneath a bridge and then I saw it.

An old building with a parking lot packed with cars.

I mean PACKED!!! it must have been 70 cars there. Either that was a banging club or a used car lot.

Either way, I gotta check it out.

I park damn near 1/2 a mile from the front interest. As i walk up to the entrance, I notice a car with about 6 brothers in it, with the radio bumping.

Black folk...in a car...radio blasting...probably drinking...THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE CLUB.

I have done the same thing.

Me and my crew would purchase cheap-ass malt liquor or even cheaper fortified wine (MD 20/20, Boones Farm, Thunderbird..i drank all dat shit) and we would sit and "get our buzz on" before going in the club. We werent about to pay 6 bucks for one drink when we can get 6 bottles of "Banana red" and get drunk.

That little piece of philosophy has stuck with me to this day. I drink before I go out. Bar are way too expensive......

Dammit...I digressed again.

*Stay on topic*

As I walk past the car, the window rolls down.

Dude in car: "Yo cuz"

I think "Oh shit...gang banger..im bout to get shot/robbed"

HAB: "Wassup" (in my best Louisiana accent whatever that is)

DIC: You going in?

HAB: Yeah, Im gonna check it out

DIC: curiously smiling.."alright..I will see u in there"

HAB: thinking again "wtf???"

So I proceed on up to the club. The music coming from there is shaking everything around. THIS IS THE SPOT!!!!

I see myself coming here every weekend until I head back up to North Dakota.

I get to the front door and there is a guy there checking ID.

ID Guy: I need to see your ID (with a slight lisp in his voice)

HAB: Sure

I hand him my Military ID

ID Guy: Oh!! You are from the Air Force base. Let me give you this kind of stamp so you dont get in trouble.

HAB: Huh???

So he gives me a "special stamp", whatever the hell that means. I walk in and immediately I have two options:

Option 1: Bar is on the right side

Option 2: Club is on the left.

Well since I wasnt there to dance, but just to soak up the scenery, I decide to go to the Bar first, get a drink, then I will check out the club.

I mosey on up to the bar and order a Red Dog

And then proceed to the club.

As I walk into the club, I see the dance floor is packed. Packed more than the parking lot. So I find a stool on the wall and sit down to enjoy my drinking and watch Shreveport get their boogie on.

Here is my inner monologue:

"Man this club is awesome. I gotta come here more often.

HEY!!! Thats 2 girls dancing together. DAMN. Thats kinda hot.

OH SHIT!!!

THEY KISSED!!!!

Man, they are really open with their affections.

WHAT THE F**CK?!?! Thats 2 dudes dancing together.

OHHHHH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEY ARE KISSING TOO!!!!!

HOLD UP!!!!

There are 2 more dudes together....and 2 more...and..

OH GOD!!!

I'M IN A GAY BAR!!!!"

How in the world...out of all the places to go in Shreveport, I end up at a Gay Bar.

I put down my half emptied Red Dog and make a B line for the door.

As I walk, humiliated, back to my rented Geo Metro, I pass by the same car with the dudes from earlier.

DIC: Yo cuz, where you going?!?!

HAB: I gotta go

I start to walk off

DIC: Nah... hold up

I felt like Nettie from the Color Purple (I gotta go to school..No!!!...Please!!!!..Stop!!!!)

They start honking the horn and cat-calling for me. I am a few strides off from running.

I finally make it back to the car.

I head back to the base and jump in the shower. I felt like Ace Ventura after he realize the Police Chief was a tranny...even though no one touched me.

How could I have been so stupid. Of course it was a gay bar. The dudes sitting in the car were gay, they were probably planning my rape as I walked in. The ID guy with his damn "Special Stamp"...Dont ask dont tell, my ass...

uh...strike that.

Lets keep my ass out of this.

I was traumatized by this experience.

Now to any of my readers that may be homosexual, no offense. You live your life the way you want, just as I live mine. But I wasnt ready for that, at all. Maybe I could have handled it better, but keeping my anal virginity was top priority at the moment and I dont regret one single insulting gesture I may have made that night. They need to put a sign on the damn place.

Like this one:

Then folks will know.

What do u think Lil' Gary?

Thats not nice.

The views of Lil' Gary are not endorsed by the staff at "Full of Hot Air"

*Greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles, too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

Journey to Iraq - Part 2

2008-09-17T12:19:00.004-04:00

As I have mentioned in previous posts, this isnt my first blog. I used Blogger to document my 13month Experience in Baghdad, Iraq. This blog garnered me some level of fame (yeah, i was featured on a couple of news segments around Christmas '04) so I feel it's necessary to share with you excerpts from my previous blog. I assure you that everything happened to me, HotAirBalogger, not some one I know or something i read on another blog. Due my desire to remain anonymous, I will have to do some editing before posting it here (my updated comments will be in red), but I will also try to fill in some of the gaps and enhance my posts with some pics of a place most of you only see on the news. With that said here is:

My Journey to Iraq Part 2:

For those that need to catch up, here's Part1

Once again thats me. I dont know why i keep putting sh*t in my mouth!!!

Houston, TX

Post 1

H-town is in the house!!!!!!!

Ok it has been almost a week since I last posted. That was the day I was leaving. Well lets start off with Sunday:

Sunday 3/14/04
This was a sad day in the Balogger home. I think I cried more than my kids. It was really rough leaving them. Both *(NAMES OMITTED)* were sick with colds (both are better now). I had my mother take me to the airport. My flight left at noon and got to Atlanta about an hour later... and was there for another hour and then flew on the BUMPIEST ride of my life. I got kinda nervous. Even though I was in the Airforce, I have never been a fan of flying. I always envision the plane bursting in a ball flames right as it leaves the ground.

So I get to Houston around 3:30pm and that's where the madness started. I was told by KBR, *(aka HALLIBURTON)* the company that's sponsoring this excursion, that when I get my bags to contact the Wyndham Hotel for transportation from the airport. Well, I called the hotel and they tell me that the shuttle has already left and to "go outside and wait".

OUTSIDE WHERE?!?!?!?!?!

Outside the baggage terminal?

Outside on the Runway?

So I go "out" the first door I see, and I am waiting out there with a young lady also from NC, who is also here for the same company. She was following me, I guess because I "looked like" I knew where I was going. So we stood out there for about 15min and finally an airport employee asked us who we were waiting for. I advised her we were waiting on the shuttle for the hotel. What else would we be doing standing outside of an airport?

She tell us that we went out the wrong door!!!! (WTF?!?!?) and to back inside and go through the door for hotel transportation.

Ooooooohhhhhhh...

Outside the HOTEL TRANSPORTATION Door

I guess I should have known that.

We go through the door and we see the shuttle for the Wyndham Hotel, right as the driver was pulling off!!!! So we are out there screaming for him to stop, which he does. He gets out of the van and ask us for our names. He checks and loads the girl's luggage and she gets on the van. I tell him my name and he tells me that "due to over booking at the Wyndham, that I am not staying there but instead I am staying at the Airport Marriott."

He then tells me to just go to the Airport Marriott.

Suppressing the urge to strangle his stupid ass, I ask him "how in the hell am I supposed to get there???" He tells me that there is a tram that goes between the terminals (by the way, Houston has a huge airport) and makes a stop at the hotel.

Let me remind you that I am carrying all of my belongings that I think I will need for a year long stay in another country. I am not just going on a weekend trip. I had about 3 HEAVY pieces of luggage with me.

I know what you are saying..."Stop Bitching"...well F**K YOU TOO!!!....just kidding

I go down in the "basement" to catch the infamous TRAM where I am told by another airport employee that it is.......

Shut down due to maintenance!!!

AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

F- this....I am going back to NC.

I then go back upstairs and to look for the information desk. I was told that there is another shuttle taking people to the hotel and go back outside and wait for it.

Guess which door I had to back through.

THE FIRST ONE I ORIGINALLY WENT THOUGH!!!!

I was fuming at this point, but too tired to complain.

I get dumped in front of the hotel (which was pretty nice). I finally get checked in and I go to my room which has beautiful view of the back of the airport.

This sucks!!!

Monday 3/15/04

Today is my first day of processing. I am awakened at 530am by my "friend" *(Name Omitted)* in Kuwait. He thought I had to be up early. I withheld my profanity and calmly explained that I don't start until noon...back to sleep.

The first few days were uneventful. Basic briefings about safety and being overseas in Iraq. The physical was interesting. 7 tubes of blood, half a cup of urine, x-rays, eye exam, hearing test, a pulmonary test (which was one of the hardest things ever...I had to put my mouth on this tube that was about as big as an empty toilet tissue roll and blow until my lungs exploded), and full physical at which a young girl placed her fingers on my sack and told me to cough!!!
very uncomfortable.

The whole medical process ended with 3 shots in the back of my arm (which left a nice bruise).

Wednesday 3/17/04

More training

Thursday 3/18/04

NBC training!!! No its not the TV Network NBC. NBC stands for Nuclear, Biological Chemical. We were trained to use chemical suits and wear gas masks. During the whole training, anytime the instructors yelled GAS GAS GAS, we had to slap those masks on, which, by the way, were a lot more comfortable than the mask in USAF.

At the end of the training, we had to be able to put the entire suit on in under 8min. I am thinking 8min is more than enough time for some shit-head to gas me and everyone around me.

I did it in 4. Hoorah!!!

My partner, to "assist" me in putting my suit on, was John McCain's grandpappy, or so it seemed. This guy was OLD and after getting our suits on, our partners had to tape up any exposed areas (where the suit meets the boots and gloves and where the hood comes over the head to the mask)...well I was nervous the entire time while taping his hood because I kept touching hearing aids...

YES AIDS!!!

in both ears!!

Later that evening we signed our contracts and began the waiting game. All the hard stuff was over and now we just wait to be notified of when we are leaving. I really could go back home and wait, but I have shed enough tears!!!!

Friday 3/19/04

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

So now we are up to Saturday. I finally get to a PC so I can email my people and update this page. I am really excited about going to Iraq. There have been more bombings, but I am noticing that the assholes are no longer targeting the military, but instead they are going after Iraqis, trying to break their spirits, I guess. This cant last forever.

I really have no more to say so I am ending here. Don't know when I will be able to get back to update this page, maybe in a day or two. I have to go on Monday to get my military ID, so probably after I get finished with that. I am going shopping now for a bookbag and some DVD's

Stay tuned for Part3!!!!

*Greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles, too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

Bristol got (had) Jungle Fever

2008-09-10T10:37:00.005-04:00

I was over at my cousin's blog AvBro.com where I saw this little nugget.

Now this isnt the first time I heard about this NuttyNucka claiming to be the real MisterBristol.

I heard about him a few days ago, but I gotta chime in.

BlackMisterBristol, Lil' Gary has a special message for you.

But in all fairness, it could be true.

He could have went up to Alaska and in a short time got into the pants of the daughter of the GOVERNOR!

It could happen. maybe his game is just that tight.

If it is true, then Levi Johnston, the purported baby father, has this to look forward to:

I gotta get political for a minute.

If you know your daughter is a teen who is pregnant, why would you subject her to the scrutiny that Bristol is going through. Sounds like ol' Gov Palin is putting her own political ambitions above her daughter's mental stability.

And thats all I have to say about that.

*Greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles, too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

COME TO FABULOUS WILLIAMSBURG, VA!!!

2008-09-08T15:22:00.003-04:00

Those of you new to the site, or those of you too lazy to click on anything here (@ssholes!!), may not have read my award winning article about multi-level marketing/pyramid schemes/pain-in-the-arse companies. In that article, i pretty much dismantle the whole MLM process and warn you not to be duped by their techniques.

I should practice what I preach.

This article may be a little lengthy but bare with me.

I am a suspicious person by nature, so anytime my phone rings, I am checking callerID. If I dont recognize the #, the person on the other end better be prepared to get interrogated to the 12th power.

Last Monday night, around 9:45, as I am preparing to settle down for my nightly slumber, the phone rings. I have a rule, I dont call anyone after 9pm. Why? Well 2 reasons. (1)If I havent told you something by 9pm, then it can wait until tomorrow and (2)I dont want to hear from anyone after 9pm (unless its a family emergency). Thats just how I feel.

Imagine my surprise when I see a Williamsburg, VA # pop up. Immediately I scan my mental Rolodex trying to think who would be calling from there. I come up blank. The convo went something like this:

HAB: Who dis?

Caller: My name is (who cares) and I am looking for Mrs. Balogger

HAB: For what?

Caller: Its of a business nature

HAB: Well this is her husband. How can I help you.

Caller: We would really prefer to speak to her.

HAB: Well if you cant tell me who you are and why you are calling, then you dont need to speak to her (i know i can be an ass sometimes)

Caller: I'm sorry, Sir, I didnt realize you were her husband

HAB: And I didnt realize you werent paying attention

Caller: Uh...yes sir. Your wife entered a drawing to win a free vacation and her name was selected as winner to a 3day/2night stay in Williamsburg, VA. In exchange for your accommodation, we only ask that you attend a 90min presentation where we explain the benefits of vacation ownership

HAB: Timeshare?!?!?

Caller: We prefer to call it vacation ownership

HAB: Whatever makes you happy

Caller: Uh...right. In order to secure your reservation, we will need a $75 deposit, which will be refunded to you at the completion of the presentation, along with an additional $125 to offset the cost of gas. You must take the tour within the next 6 weeks. When can we schedule you?

HAB: I cant get away for 3days in the next 6 weeks.

Caller: Well, you can come up on any Saturday or Sunday and just attend the presentation. Afterwards, we will give you a voucher to comeback at anytime within a year to use your 3day/2night stay and we will still give you the $200 for attending the presentation.

HAB: Well, Im not doing anything on Saturday. We will drive up then.

Caller: Great. Just remember that after we complete this transaction, you must attend or you will lose your deposit.

HAB: I'll be there dammit!!!

So that evening, Mrs. Balogger and I start planning a day trip to fabulous Williamsburg, VA. It just so happens that the weather was on while we were discussing it. Guess what I forgot about?

HURRICANE HANNA...

and she was scheduled to make her debut Saturday morning. Her projected path was basically taking the same route we would be taking to Virginia...at the same time!!!

The next day I call those "vacation experts" back to tell them "I AINT DRIVING IN A HURRICANE FOR YOUR *BLEEP* TIMESHARE". They then told me that was fine, but I wasnt getting my deposit back.

Needless to say, we went.

We left a day early and decided to stay in a hotel in the area.

The next day we go to the "Williamsburg Plantation Welcome Center" for our presentation. This is where the "tour" began. This was no typical timeshare presentation. It was actually kinda cool. Our salesman puts us in his 94 Honda Civic and takes us on a tour of Williamsburg, VA and shows us the different sites. All the colonial BS and malls and places to eat. Basically the same shit I saw 2hours before going to the "Williamsburg Plantation Welcome Center". Finally, we end up at the resort itself (Pictured above). For those of you who have been on a timeshare presentation before, you already know that you normally stay there onsite and listen to the BS as you ride around the property.

Not this one.

Our 90min "tour" ended about 150min after it began. So there we are at the Williamsburg Plantation (I cant believe they still use that word in modern America) in a conference room with other about 30 other gullible couples like the Baloggers.

Here is where the sales part kicks:

Our Driver/Salesman tells us that we can own all that we saw for around $30k. I say NO. Well, he understood that was too high, but if we were to purchase today he would drop that down to $20k, I say NO.

I will spare you further details of the "no pressure sales". Basically, I got them to go from $4,000 down payment with $800/mo payments all the way to nothing down and $168/mo payments.....

AND I STILL SAID NO!!!!

When I make up my mind I dont want something, aside from giving it to me for free, I wont take it. I'm just stubborn like that. While I am sure that having that timeshare would be wonderful, I have seen the headaches associated with it. I just dont want it right now.

And besides, the guy who kept pressuring me to buy looked something like this:

And I cant give my money to someone like that.

So after I tell them no for the 1,000th time, we get back in the Civic and head back to the Welcome Center. Needless to say, the drive back was a lot less quiet than the drive to the resort. I felt kinda bad for not taking them up on the offer, but even after we got back, they brought in one more guy to offer us a "special deal"..Nothing down $84/month. And after all that, I said....

NO

That just pissed me off even more.

They f'ed up my entire day. What was supposed to only be 90min ended up being a 5, yes F-I-V-E, hours of torture.

But in all actuality, I expected it. This is isnt my first experience with timeshare. I actually have gone on several. Maybe one day, I will tell you guys about my honeymoon.

If you are contemplating going on one, make your mind before you even get there if you actually want it or not. If you do, then play hard to get until they get to a price you can afford...then make them go lower. I learned on this trip, that if they truly want you to buy, they go much much lower than the initial offering. If you dont want it, then stick to your guns, as I did. It will be tough and they will try to make you feel like the scum of the earth for not recognizing the value in what they are offering, but at the end of the day, you are the one left paying for it. And when the day comes (and it will) that you dont care to use your timeshare anymore, you will catch hell trying to get rid of it.

Maybe I am wrong. Lets ask Lil' Gary

Oh well...

*Greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles, too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

La Cucaracha

2008-09-05T15:43:00.004-04:00

I think one of the biggest fears any black person (from my generation at least) has/had is that they could be accused (falsely or otherwise) of "havin' roaches". The dreaded "R" word caused beads of sweat to form on many dark foreheads.

If you knew someone that had roaches, they were ridiculed, you would never voluntarily share a seat with them on the bus and should the situation arise where you ended up in their house, you never, under any circumstances, ATE!!

Its really f'ed up that a person's sanitary level was judged, purely on the fact if they had roaches or not. Think of the countless emotional scars that have been caused by being accused of having roaches. With all the possible types of infestations one could have, a roach spotted in your domicile caused an uproar. I dont think we ever had any roaches, so I was sparred the embarrassment, but I have a few encounters I wanted to share.

In my early dating career (way before Mrs.Balogger), I bought a Christmas present for a young lady who caught my eye. I cant say she was my first love, cause I dont think she loved me (*sniff, sniff*), but she was like my first real girlfriend (i dont think I was her boyfriend though).

Anyways...

I convinced my uncle to take me to her house so we could exchange presents (exchange meaning, I give her a gift and she lets me watch her open it. Damn Ho). I was all excited because this was gonna be (or so i thought) the first gift I received from someone not related to me.
So there I am, sitting on her couch, her on the other side of the room with a neatly wrapped box containing a $19.95 gold-like plated necklace. It may not sound like much, but when you are 14 and the only job you had lasted 2months at a chicken joint, $20 was hard to come by. I was proud of that necklace. It was more than just a necklace. It was supposed to let her know that I was thinking about her on a frequent basis. Thinking enough of her to the point that I spent more on her present than I spent on my mother's!!!

The ungrateful b!tch acted like I gave her a stick a gum. Immediately, I lost interest in her, but being the gentleman that I was working my way to becoming, I fought off the urge to spit in her face and walk out of the door. Besides, I had no car, my uncle was about 15min away, and I was in the boonies. Its kinda hard to be 'gansta' when you dont have a ride.

Karma is bitch or a blessing, depending upon which end of the spectrum you experience it. It seemed like as soon as she insults my gift, I realize we are not the sole occupants of the living room. Across her dingy beige carpet, one of her "pets" makes an informal introduction.

She panics, as she should, because I immediately begin planning my exit strategy (as well as which of my friends I would tell about her nasty-ass house). All of sudden she wants to "show me this new dance from Soul Train". I guess this dance included a move where you swiftly drag your foot across the floor in a "sweeping motion" because she booted that damn bug into another room.

Boy was I glad to have seen that. That was worth the hurt of unrequited love. Damn Ho.

Roaches.

Im sure we all have had them. You cant help it. But some folks are just down right disgusting.

A few years ago, my cousin called me because he wanted me to go with him to meet some distant relatives that lived nearby. They lived in a slightly more "urban" part of the city than what I was used to, but I summoned up the courage to go tag along.

As we are sitting on the couch, "catching up", something catches my eye. Not 1, not 2, but THREE roaches have been dispatched to various locations on the walls throughout the living room. And there is no shame in there game. They are freely crawling and minding there own business. Amazingly, our newly discovered cousin is oblivious to the "slight" infestation.

After watching them crawl for about 10minutes, I happen to look down and dammit, there is f**king roach on my M*THERF**KING SHOES!!!

Immediately I am "ret ta go", but my cousin who dragged me into this science experiment is apparently having the best time.......until

I glance out of the corner of my eye and a ROACH IS CRAWLING ACROSS HIS BELLY!!!! Its actually on his shirt as if its trying to read the writing on it.

I begin to squirm.

Is he gonna see it???

Does he notice it???

Does he FEEL it???

Sensing my focus on his shirt, he looks down and freaks out! For some reason, I bust out laughing (hell, Im laughing now)

I cant take any more. I begin to itch and make my way to the door. Hood or not, Im going home.

Needless to say, despite being invited back for Sunday dinner (*nauseous*), that was the last time I saw that particular relative. Im sure they are good people, but I just cant get past the fact that they wont spray some damn Raid and get rid of the roaches.

I dont mean to be cruel or unsympathetic, but if your roach problem is to the point where they dont scatter when the lights come one, you may want need to take some advice from the champ:

Maybe I'm wrong.

What do you think Lil'Gary?

wow...I was thinking the same thing.

*Greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles, too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best.

Angel Matos kicks it up a notch

2008-08-26T12:52:00.005-04:00

For those that havent heard about this nutty nucka from Kooobah, check this out:

**********

The Men's 80KG Tae Kwon Do Bronze Medal match took an amazing turn of events when Angel Valodia Matos of Cuba was disqualified for exceeding the 1 minute time limit allowed for injuries. When informed that he ran out of time Matos became irate, first shaking his finger and head gear at the referee and then kicking the referee in the face and striking two other officials.

**********

Where did he get kicked?

LMAO!!!!

For those that didnt see it, it looked something like this:

I can understand the brother's frustration. You are on the World's Stage going for the bronze medal in your specialty and you get DQ'ed on a technicality. I might have done the same, or maybe i would have pulled a Deebo:

Mrs. Balogger tells me I need Anger Management.

Maybe we should support Angel. Even though he needs to work on his problem-solving skills, this man is a professional fighter. His job is fighting. He takes pleasure in fighting. When he goes to work, he's fighting. When he wins, its from fighting. So when he needs to dispute something, he resorts to what he does best:

Maybe I'm wrong.

What do you think Lil' Gary?

Yeah. Me too.

Special greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

K-Ci & JoJo Sing the Hits...Literally!!!

2008-08-25T16:54:00.006-04:00

The J-O-B has me tied down recently, so here's a little sum-sum to hold you over.

I give you America's favorite R&B sibling duo

The Haileys!!!!

Its amazing to me how K-Ci casually glances over his shoulder as his younger brother does an impersonation of AfroNinja.

It leads me to think....

*shout out to UncleRon for sending this to me*

Special greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

Bad Boys, Bad Boys....

2008-08-18T17:28:00.005-04:00

With the events that I have gone through in 30+ years, I am surprised that I am not 6' under already. Someone must be watching out for me. This post is not necessarily funny as much as it is a "how in the hell are you not in jail" story

Back in the days of my highly decorated (yeah, right) service in the Air Force, I ran into my fair share of less-than-upright citizens. This story involves a good friend of mine who I will refer to as Lee. But let me give you his background first.

Lee was your typical militant-wannabe, angry with the system, rebel without a cause. Someone who thought every thing wrong in his life was part of some Grand Conspiracy, orchestrated by The Man.

Here's an example of his mentality:

Lee was a "self proclaimed" Muslim, but like my Uncle Mark and Orenthal James Simpson, he loved White Women. I asked him why, since he was so "pro black", that he preferred white women. His response was, "I wanna do to them, what the blue eyed devil did to our people for over 400 years...F**k 'em".

Nice.

The closest I ever saw him come to dating a sister of color was this Filipino Chick that worked in our chow hall.

Anyway, Lee could not (or better yet, refused to ) follow the chain of command, specifically with a superior, who, in his words, "didnt know sh*t". Lee constantly quarrelled with this superior which led to his eventual discharge from the AirForce...which, for some reason, surprised Lee. He was actually shocked that he was kicked out for insubordination.

Well, Lee, for some reason decides to threaten his former manager with bodily harm if he ever caught him outside the gates. A couple of days later, he applies for a gun permit.

Yep...a GUN permit.

While waiting for his permit (and eventual handy dandy side arm), the local authorities stumble across the fact that he was recently discharged,involuntarily, so they alert the officials on base. They put the base on alert. Seriously. And had Lee's picture every where on base. The PX, the gym, the chow hall. You couldnt go into any facility without seeing a wanted-type flyer with his picture on it, even though he wasnt wanted.

Now that I have told you about Lee, I can tell you about that faithful night, when I did something I am almost positive, NO ONE HAS DONE AND GOTTEN AWAY WITH BEFORE.

Even though Lee was no longer in the AirForce, he still lived in the area. He managed to get the Filipino chick pregnant (lets call her Lexi) so they shacked up together near the base. Their relationship was hectic, constant fighting, bickering and accusations of infidelity.

I called him one Saturday evening to see if he wanted to hang out. He immediately goes into a rage about how Lexi and he had gotten into a major argument, he had no clue where she was, and when he found her, he was gonna "pop a cap in her ass"

What a loving home to raise a child in.

Being the quintessential Libra that I am, my only focus was to try to diffuse the situation as quickly and with as little amount of bloodshed as possible.

Me and another friend (who I will refer to as Nelson) get to his place, where he is still fuming. Nelson and I agree we HAVE to get that gun away from him. All efforts to calm him down are useless. He is determined to track Lexi down and put an end to this.....

And he needed us to go with him..

Shit

Yeah, we went.

Why? you may ask. Well, its kinda hard to disagree with a argumentative and armed brother. He kinda has your undivided attention.

We pile into his car and off we go.

For some reason, maybe it was youthful ignorance (I was 22 at the time), I was not worried. I knew that Lee wasnt going to do anything when he saw her. And besides, he had no clue where she was (i found out later, she, along with about 9 other Filipino burger flippers, were enjoying the night at Bingo!!!). And despite the fact that we were riding around town with a loaded gun in the car, didnt seem to phase us.

After stopping for drinks, Lee seemed to forget about why he was upset. Even though I didnt THINK he would do anything crazy, i couldnt take chances. I say "Hey Lee, I never got a chance to check out your piece. Mind if I take a look?"

So without hesitation, and without pulling over (cause he had it in his coat pocket), he hand me the gun. For some idiotic reason, I breathe a sigh of relief.

NOW I HAD THE GUN!!!

Immediately i separate the ammo from the gun and place them in my pocket.

In my mind, I am thinking the worse is over. I have disarmed (peacefully) a raging lunatic and prevent the senseless murder of another person...who, by the way, was drinking a 40 while driving

I should be rewarded.

Unfortunately the story doesnt end here.

I failed to mention, but this is all taking place during the winter in one of our Northern Tier states..snow and ice covers the terrain.

As we are riding down an icy slope, a car from one of the adjacent side streets, tries to cross the street in front of us. Due to the less than adequate traction of the tires, we slide right into the rear portion of that car.

BAM!!!

The driver of the other car jumps out of the vehicle, AND TAKES OFF RUNNING!!!

*maybe he knew i was packing*

WTF?!?!?!

Then, as with all accidents, the cops show up.

Their focus immediately shifts from the accident to the now open bottle of Olde English 800 on the floor and the pungent smell of malt liquor all over.

Lee spilt his beer.

The cops question him as to the owner of the bottle...cuz somebody is either getting arrested for DUI or someone's getting an Open Container Violation.

Lee says the beer is not his, because he doesnt want to confess so he shifts the blame to either Nelson...

or ME!!!!!

The same one who was trying to keep him from committing murder.

The cops, in an effort to sort this out, have all of us get in the car to discuss it. Lee in the front. Nelson sitting in the back next to me.....

WITH A GUN IN MY COAT POCKET!!!!!!!!!

Thats right...i sat in a cop car with a gun in my pocket.

THANK YOU GOD!!

There was no kind of pat down or anything. We werent under arrest. But the cop wanted us to figure out who was going to own up to the bottle.

I may have been foolish in hanging with a wannabe killer, but I am not foolish enough to own up to something I didnt do.

The story ends with Lee getting a an Open Container Violation, and Nelson finding a faithful friend in the growing onlookers, who happened to relieve me of my coat, because for some reason, in the middle of February, in North Dakota, HotAirBalogger suddenly got hot..in 12degree weather.

For reasons which are probably obvious, this little incident, put a strain on my relationship with Lee. Cant say I really hung out with him much after that. But I will never forget the night I sat in cop car....

STRAPPED!!!!

I dont know why I am putting this in here, but the above story, is 100% true. No BS here at F.O.A!!!

***Special greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

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What's your secret, Mr. Foxx?

2008-08-15T14:43:00.014-04:00

I couldnt sleep the other night, so started flipping channels. I ended up on one of the 27 different HBO channels out now (what the hell happened to just plain HBO? Now we got HBO comedy, HBO Signature, HBO Chirren, HBO Urban-where all shows are 47min late...i keed i keed)

But anyway, an old Jamie Foxx comedy special is on. All of sudden I realize....Something aint right?

My eyes see this....

But my mind remembers this....

Has Jamie discovered the secret to the Receding Hairline epidemic?

This dude is actually able to grow hurr where there aint no hurr.

I am not tripping...Check out Wiilie Beaman

Now check out Ronald Fleury...

Ray Charles....

look at all dat fo'head!!!!

and now this

Is somebody pinching this n*gga's forehead together?

Im not hating on his style. He is still a great actor. But you cant just expect people not to notice your hairline.

Maybe he is trying to get this out of his system.

I know whats going on, though.

My cousins in Philly used to use this black shit around their hairline to make it look razor sharp. I never tried it because I never understood it.Some people's hair color wasnt that dark. So you ended up looking like you had electrical tape around your head.

I dont know if thats what Jamie is doing. All i can say is "Let it go brother". Your hair aint bad...

uh....anymore.

Special greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

Feel free to click on the smiley below. It boosts my ratings at http://humor-blogs.com

You Big Sissy

2008-08-14T15:17:00.011-04:00

I told you guys about my "kryptonite". Well I just had another episode.

On days that I dont have any errands to run during lunch, I drive over to a nearby lake and watch people (who obviously dont have to punch a clock) enjoy the great outdoors. Its very relaxing and after listening to people whine about the internet being slow (wtf can I do about it?), I need a break from anything IT related.

So I'm sitting there enjoying my lunch and catching up on other blogs, when all of a sudden I hear....

*insert your favorite buzzing noise*

I look towards the passenger-side window and see two pterodactyl-sized insects having a battle-royal on the ledge.

My mind told me that I saw this:

But it was probably more like this:

Anyway...After seeing them, I did something similar to this:

Lunch is now over....

I know...

but f**k yall. I told you I hate flying insects.

***Special greetings to any first time visitors. Be sure to check out my other articles too. Best place to start is over there on the right under "My Favorite Posts". Thats the best of the best

Feel free to click on the smiley below. It boosts my ratings at http://humor-blogs.com

Bernie Mac....We Will Miss You

2008-08-09T10:46:00.005-04:00

The comedy world has lost a legend.....

Bernie Mac, after a brief battle with pneumonia, passed away today, Aug 9, 2008.

I am very saddened by this lost as Bernie Mac was one of my favorite comedians/actors. From his debut on Def Comedy Jam back in 1991....

his reign as one of the "Kings of Comedy"

his award winning TV show, "The Bernie Mac Show"

And his numerous movie roles

He was loved, adored, admired, and most of all, will be missed...

We love you Mac!!!

Journey to Iraq - Part 1

2008-08-05T11:15:00.011-04:00

As I have mentioned in previous posts, this isnt my first blog. I used Blogger to document my 13month experience in Baghdad, Iraq. It was written (poorly at times) between March 2004 and May 2005. This blog garnered me some level of fame (yeah, i was featured on a couple of news segments around Christmas '04) so I feel it's necessary to share with you, excerpts from my previous blog. I assure you that everything in this series happened to me, HotAirBalogger, not someone I know or something i read on another blog. Due to my desire to remain anonymous, I will have to do some editing before posting it here (my updated comments will be in red), but I will also try to fill in some of the gaps and enhance my posts with some pics of a place most of you only see on the news. With that said, here is:

My Journey to Iraq Part 1:

Guess what..thats really me. Suited up and ready... to find a bomb shelter. And no, I dont smoke...unless I am on fire (insert rim shot)

Leaving NC

*this first series will seem a little dry and maybe even boring, but it gets better. I promise

Post 1

Wassup yall. This weblog is here to document my 12month *(I ended up staying 13months because I didnt have enough "war stories") journey to Iraq. No, I will not be there serving the military. I have already done my time...via US AirForce...but I will be there as a government contractor (if anyone is interested in doing any contractor work in the Middle East, email me). I begin this blog on my last day at MCI (formerly known as:

MCI

MCI/WorldCom

WorldCom

then back to MCI
and now known as Verizon Business

But things are turning around for them and I wish all of them the best (actually at the time, I didnt give a shit about the company, but I am not in the habit of burning bridges...until now).

So anyways...I haven't done anything to get ready for this trip besides quit my job. I have to get my birth certificate and a 7 year driving record. And pack, and spend time with my wife (you all know Mrs. Balogger)and my kids, (Children's names were here). Boy I am going to miss them. I am going to miss everybody.

I heard about this job from my boy (name omitted) who is already over in Kuwait (which is where I would rather go, and if I do, I will change the name of this blog). He is loving it in Kuwait and the loot is up there, which is why I am going...I should be able to put enough money aside so that when I get back, I can live a little better than I am now (The money I made in Iraq was ridiculous, but a word of advise to any current or prospective contractors, save your money. Eventually you are going to come back home.)

So, today at MCI my co-workers had a small pot-luck for me (this along with many other pot-lucks led me to write this). And when I say small, I mean itty-bitty...Either times are tough, they forgot, or they just said "to the hell with his ass!!!" (I'm leaning towards the latter). But its all good, I understand. I ducked-out on a few potlucks myself.

I really don't feel like doing shit today, but I work in a call center (I went from answering the phones and sending the call to a more technically advanced coworker, to becoming a more technically advanced person...and still having to answer the fucking calls...karma is a bitch)and people just wont leave me alone. I will probably end up hanging up on somebody before today is over with. I really want to cuss somebody out, but I aint trying to get fired...like it would really matter now anyway.

Lets see who I can give shouts out to from the Worldwide Technical Service Center...hmmm....they are all cool people....Don't know if I will let others read this, but if so..wassup yall!!! (whats funny about the popularity of this blog is that I only told about 6 people about it. Somehow an entire division of a former fortune 500 company became avid readers. Just goes to show that people cant keep their mouth shut!!!)

Writing this is actually kinda cool...I never had a diary...those are for girls. Not even a journal..except for the one they made us do in high school...my typical entries were:

Oct 17 - Studied for Algebra test

Oct 18 -Got test back. Realized I should have studied more

Oct 21 - Listened to Mr. McGoogle lecture us about writing in our journals everyday

I was never one for writing but I love to read.

I feel like I am rambling on (writing style hasnt changed much folks)...Lets get back on track....Today in Baghdad they are supposed to sign the Iraqi Constitution...but there was some hold up..I think them dudes was fighting over who gets to sign first...Look what being the first to sign did for John Hancock!!

Ok enough babbling for now...I am at the end of my "scheduled lunch" and I don't want to be late arriving back to my desk (this particular organization was adamant about when you started work, when you took your morning break, when you took lunch, etc. And if you were late starting any of those events, it showed up on your review...seriously. Customer service be damned, you better take your break at 3:25pm!!!).

Post 2

Well, its Saturday and guess where I am.... Still at f***ing MCI!!!! Management here convinced (More like based my last check on me showing up) me to come in and work today and tomorrow. Yeah I am nice guy (or should I say financially challenged)....So anyways I am still no closer to Iraq today than I was yesterday. But the good thing about coming in today was that potluck carried over...A couple of my co-workers brought pizza for me and a bangin'chocolate chip cake. (not all pot lucks are bad- especially the ones where a restaurant provides the food. I think they call that catering)

I need a to-do list so that Monday and Tuesday go smoothly. I plan on playing golf with my boy (Name omitted) on Wednesday, who incidentally plans on making the trip to Iraq also... if I keep "recruiting" I will have everyone at mci there. (5 folks followed me)

Yesterday, before I left I had to go around and tell EVERYBODY good bye... That sucked, but being the nice guy that I am I wanted to say bye to everyone. Hugging and shaking hands with people who I could go weeks with even speaking to. Not that I am stuck up, but I really don't get down with a lot a folks and I try to keep to myself. Besides every one I "buddy up" to gets laid off... MCI will lay you off in a heartbeat. And for NO reason too... (Name Omitted) got laid off because he wouldn't kiss the azz of management... He's off the hook, thats why we vibe so well (And still do)

That fool sent me an email yesterday with his Kuwaiti cell phone #.. Guess what happened when I tried to call him?

"in the name of god....blah blah..you have reached the wrong #"

I am sitting here at work with a belly full of greasy cheese pizza -no swine for me- (I have long since given up trying to be pork free, but every 4-5 years, I will give it another shot). (extremely corny joke omitted...)

Today is my brother's Birthday and I need to call him..he goes to UNCG.. tell him I am leaving.. that will shock him...

My kids' birthday is this coming week too...(name omitted) is on 9th and (name omitted) is on the 11th...I planned it perfectly!!! what a treat for their birthday...Daddy is leaving for 12months (Actually i was back home in 3). I feel bad doing it, but its all for them (and the little shits still havent said thank you).

I still don't know what I am going to do when I get back , but thats next year.

This post is boring....I will write later

Post3

Its Wednesday and I wanted To add a quick note. I found out yesterday that I am leaving Sunday 11:56am. Which means I probably should be at the airport Saturday night! (in 4 years airline travel has actually gotten worse)

I went on Monday to get a few things off my check list. I had to get some steel-toe boots and a windup alarm clock, which I haven't used since I was about 12 (And never used for the entire time i was there, I think its still in a box somewhere).

Latest Iraqi news: 2 US civilians and their Iraqi translator were killed by some shit head posing as an Iraqi policeman. Shit is getting real now. My level of nervousness went up a notch on that bit of info. But I am pressing on. It doesn't bother me that much, I am just ready to get over there so I can get back to my family.

Yesterday was (name omitted) 1st birthday. *NOTE TO SELF* never give a baby ice cream and cake at 7pm unless you want them to stay up all night. (name omitted) was off the hook last night and would not go to sleep at all. The first tooth FINALLY broke through this week also (ironically, that same tooth fell out of said person's head a couple of weeks ago).

For all of you who don't wear your seat belts, let me tell you what happened to my wife. She got caught putting hers on in front of a cop and the asshole gave her a ticket anyway (i dont think its fair to call the cop an asshole. I mean really, why in the hell would she put on a seat belt in front of a cop...by the way, that lesson still has not been learned by Mrs. Balogger. I am expecting a fresh seat belt ticket any day). Well, I went to go pay the ticket on Monday and I had to give those bastards at the courthouse $75!!! For a damn seat belt ticket. Since when do you have to pay court cost, if you don't go to court?!?!? Another ploy by our government to get over on the little guy.

Today, I need to get my taxes filed and finish getting my stuff for my checklist. I am trying to decide if I should get this cheap portable DVD player I saw in Walmart. 7" screen with a carrying case for $190 (that same device costs about $60 now...damn technology). I would hate to buy it and then not have anywhere to plug it up.

I found out some of my male co-workers are planning a small going away party for me on Friday. That should be nice (oh boy was it!!! I still get misty thinking about THAT night).

What else can I post today..........nothing..I hear (name omitted) screaming so I guess I should go see what the problem is.

Til next time

Post 4

Well this is it!!!! My last post before I get on the plane. I DO NOT WANT TO GO!!!! but I know this is the right thing for my family's future (looking back now, it was only a temporary solution to a financial problem, but it was a great experience). I have been up for about an hour and I have already shed many tears. This is hard, but I have to keep telling myself that it is for my family.

Today in Iraq... 6 more soldiers died today. I am really not understanding the mentality of those folks. We are there to help, but they just see us as potential targets. I am going to do a lot of praying that God brings me back home safely and that my wife and kids stay strong and healthy, cause when I get back we are go to party like its 1999!!!!

It looks like I will be home around August, unless I get real homesick and try to get here sooner. I really want to try to stick it out for the 4months, so that they will pay for me to fly (I came back in July and they still paid for it...so there).

Well that's all I want to say. For those of you reading this, say a little prayer for me and family (thanks for the prayers..they worked. I made it back with all my appendages, and a nasty growth on neck. Oh wait, thats just my head)

Stay tuned for Part 2....

My search for ________ led me here

2008-08-01T14:04:00.004-04:00

I was checking my traffic today, curious to know how people end up in my corner of cyber space. Its amazing how a search on google can lead someone to Full of Hot Air. While I'm sure the searcher did not find what they were originally searching for at my sight, I would like to lend a hand in case a similar search leads someone else here.

In no way is this a representation of my actual appearance!!!

Here's what I found:

"what is shifarow"

Shifarow is a unit of measurement relating to volumes of liquid one could extract from produce. The term "Bussin up the Shifarow" means "the squeezing of juices and berries for the purpose of applying it to the scalp". This term is mostly used in the small African country of Zamunda

"what happens if you get caught with 5ounces of weed in FL"

I, for one would never be caught with less than 7 ounces. It just doesnt seem logical to carry less. But, to answer your question as to what would happen if you got caught with 5ounces of the sticky icky, I guess it would depend on who caught you. I am assuming that you are referring to the law, in which case, if you got caught, i think "jail" would be what would happen. But thats just me talking.

"Can you catch hiv from ketchup container"

Not if its wearing a condom, but those are not 100% so its best to wait until you're married.

"Hot black men"

ahhh...some of my loyal fans are trying to reach me

"Hottest 10 black males"

More fans??? I knew that gym membership and the box Duke No-Lye relaxer would finally pay off.

Thats all for now. Will let you know if i get more.

Tales from the Helpdesk

2008-07-30T15:58:00.005-04:00

I spend my day light hours providing excellent technical support to Physician's offices, attorneys, and small companies that are frugal enough to outsource their Information Technology needs. More often than not, my day consists of password resets, application issues,etc. But every now and then, I get a real genius on the line. Therefore I bring to you:

Tales from the Helpdesk

This aint me....but I couldnt find a pic of a black man with a headset..work with me

HAB: Thank you for calling _______ Support. This HAB

Caller: Hi, HAB. My pc screen is blank.

HAB:Is the pc on?

Caller:I dont know

HAB:Do you hear a fan running

Caller:No

HAB:Ok, lets try turning the pc on.

Caller:How do I do that?

HAB: ......um...Press the power button.

Caller:On the pc or the on the screen

HAB:The pc

Caller:OK...I pressed power button and nothing happened, but i hear something running.

HAB:Well that means the pc is running.

Caller:But my screen is still blank.

HAB:Is the monitor on?

Caller:How can I tell if its on?

HAB:Do you see anything displayed?

Caller:No

HAB:Do you see any lights?

Caller:No

HAB:Ok...let's press the power button

Caller:Where is it? Oh I think I see it. Should I press it?

HAB:Sure

Caller:Ok......hey!!!! its on!!! YOU FIXED IT!!!

HAB: *long weary pause*...........Thank you for calling ______

Where in the f^ck have you been?

2008-07-29T14:39:00.005-04:00

Greetings.....no one!!!!

If anyone reads this, it has to be because you are trying to see every web page on the net. My loyal readers have long since dissipated. And now, this blog just sits gathering dust
You may be saying, "Mr. Balogger, why the absence??". Well to be honest, I have been like Cain in Kung Fu.

I have been scouring the web, checking out different blogs. Basically trying to re-discover my cyber-self.

I enjoyed writing in the blog, but I didnt feel like the direction I was trying to take was right for me. My cousin over AverageBro.com is a phenomenal writer, who actually has written a book. He pushed me to get back to blogging after my Journey to Iraq. But I felt like this blog was just a cheap knockoff, a ghetto version if you will, of his blog. Not saying that I was writing about the same things that he was, but I was trying to be a reporter of sorts with respect to things happening in the media.

I'm no reporter. Not by a long shot.

So I went back and read some of my better posts. You know what I found out? I write best about personal experiences. My take on pyramid schemes, my phobia of flying insects, and experiences with company pot-lucks were some of my better posts. Everyday experiences. Shit that happens to us regular folk. Thats my thing. I see shit everyday that I could probably write about 10" (no homo) worth of material for you guys. I could spend another post dissin' myself for using the term "no homo". I haven't really learned the ins and outs of how it applies.

I spent over a year writing about my life in Baghdad. Getting there, living there and dealing with all the bullshit. It was supposed to be kind of like a diary...I told people that if I ever got blown up, they could read about me, but I really started it because my memory is shitty. I went back and read and laughed my ass off. And if you can laugh at yourself (or something you wrote about your self), then you must be on to something....or on your way to a mental institution. But that's the kind of stuff that I enjoy writing about.

I like making people laugh, so, after checking out What would Thembi Do, I found a site called humor-blogs.com. From there I checked out different websites, things that the cyber community thought was funny. Some of the stuff out there was horrible (a lot of it to be honest) and some of it was down right hilarious. (15minutelunch.com)

I had thought about just scrapping "Full of Hot Air", and start with a new site. But why bother. I can just re-organize what I got. Reminds me of the old Chris Rock routine, "Commitment or New P*ssy". I need to commit to "Full of Air". I can do this, but I have to be myself and write about myself and the crazy shit i see on the regular.

So, look for some changes...soon!

And if you dont like the new "Full of Hot Air", well....

....thanks ladies

Rapid Burst pt.III

2008-05-02T17:17:00.004-04:00

Here we are with the third installment of Rapid Burst of HotAir

*************************

Ohio judge to decide man's fate for sharing snack cake

MCARTHUR, Ohio — A judge in southern Ohio must decide whether to send a man to prison for sharing a Little Debbie snack cake. The case involves 21-year-old Timothy Caudill, who last year was held in a residential community corrections program in Nelsonville for breaking into a bar.

While there, prosecutors said he bought the oatmeal creme pie from a vending machine and shared it with a fellow inmate who was on restriction and wasn't allowed access to snacks.
Prosecutors in Vinton County have asked Common Pleas Judge Jeffrey Simmons to revoke Caudill's probation and put him in prison for nine months.

**************************

How f**ked up is that? To get sent to prison for SHARING your snacks. I can see the dude in jail now...

Con#1: "Whatcha in for, fish?"

Con#2: "I let this nikka bite on my Twinkies"

Con#1: *silent*

Moral of the story: If someone asks for some of your snackcake, use the line from the "Hey Love" commercials: "No my brother. You gotta getcha own!"

***************************
Watch out Puffy!!!

FORT WORTH, Texas — Charles Ray Fuller must have been planning one big record company.
The 21-year-old North Texas man was arrested last week for trying to cash a $360 billion check, saying he wanted to start a record business, authorities said. Tellers at the Fort Worth bank were immediately suspicious - perhaps the 10 zeros on a personal check tipped them off, according to investigators.

Fuller, of suburban Crowley, was arrested on a forgery charge, police said. He was released after posting $3,750 bail.

Fuller said his girlfriend's mother gave him the check to start a record business, but bank employees who contacted the account's owner said the woman told them she did not give him permission to take or cash the check, according to police.

In addition to forgery, Fuller was charged with unlawfully carrying a weapon and possessing marijuana, Fort Worth police Lt. Paul Henderson said.

Officers reported finding less than 2 ounces of marijuana and a .25-caliber handgun and magazine in his pockets, police said.

***************************

Now there's a man with a plan. He knows what he wants to do in life and the only thing stopping him is lack of capital. The easiest way to remedy that is go to the bank. They gots lots of money up in there!!!

I can see this fool now...walking to the bank with the check in hand...thinking to himself "Im about to be P-Diddy up in hur"

He cant be too bright. If he really needed the money, he should have just used the gun he was carrying and really set it off!!!

10 zeroes yall!!!! 360,000,000,000 It took me about 5 seconds to type that. Imagine writing it...ON A CHECK!!

Why Hillary Won't Quit

2008-04-30T16:24:00.005-04:00

I have been trying to keep up with the political landscape as much as possible. Especially after my major endorsement and donation. Im really trying to stayin the know with the candidates this year. Not just on the national scene but locally as well.

Here we are in the month of May and we still have no clear cut Dem vs Rep battle in place yet.

From all the primaries thus far, Hillary has a better chance winning a Vibe award than she does winning the nomination. Obama has won more primaries, more popular votes (despite the Florida/Michigan votes that Hillary is trying to claim) and is chipping away at her "superdelegate" count as each day goes by. She is lacking in funds, and has no real strategy to win other than bring up the short comings (how frivolous they may be) of Barack.

So with all of this against her, why wont she do the obvious and throw her support towards the likely nominee so that we can take the White House back? I have thought about it long and hard. And while this may be out in left field, think about:

She wants Obama to lose to McCain.

Hillary is still technically running for an office she has no way of winning. Asking for donations. Burning up miles in my home state of NC. But in my opinion she is doing this to sabotage Obama's campaign. McCain is basically campaigning against Obama for free. All of her attacks against him are adding ammunition to McCain's efforts.

So why is she doing it?

Well, lets think about it?

Lets say Hillary conceded back in March when the tide really turned. Back when her and Chelsea were ducking imaginary sniper fire. Barack's sole focus would be on attacking McCain. And given 8months of hand shaking and town-hall meetings and kissing babies, Obama would, more than likely, been able to sway enough people to his side.

Obama is the president until 2012.

And come 2011, re-election starts blowing in the wind. And who do you think the Democratic Party will throw their support behind? Obama again. Meanwhile Hillary is sitting in her NY mansion, after losing her seat in the Senate. Getting up every morning, making eggs and french toast for Bill. She would have to wait until 2016 until she got another legitimate shot at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. And at her age, she will look a WHOLE lot worse in 8 years than she does now. Not saying she is a dime (far from it), but she kinda reminds you of your English teacher in high school, that tried to be "down" with everybody. But in 8 years, she will be more like the lunch room lady that smells.

But lets flip the script. Back to the present day.

Hillary continues with her fight. Hanging on to a long shot. Taking the fight all the way to the Democratic Convention in August. Splitting the party (and the nation for that matter) in half based on race. Because, lets face it, the more this race goes on, the blacker Barack is starting to look to the world. By the time August gets her, Hillary will be comparing him to the DC Sniper, days of bickering, more race cards being pulled, and more Rev wright nonsense. Its gonna get ugly. All taking place in front of the cameras. And the bad thing about is that Obama has to go through it.

Meanwhile John McCain, quietly slips into the White House because Hillary has painted Obama to be a re-incarnation of Elijah Muhammad and the good ol boys aint having it.

Then, after 4 years, when the country is in no better shape and troops are still in Iraq and death toll is reaching 5 digits, in swoops "Wonder Woman Clinton" whose whole campaign will be about fixing the mess that John McCain refused to. Hell, at that point, who wouldnt vote her? And poor Obama will try to run again, but Hillary's response to that would be "You couldnt beat him the first time"..even though it would be her fault for his loss.

Its a plot yall. And there aint a damn thing we can do, but watch it unfold, because that silly ho (and her hillbilly husband) are determined to get back in the WHite House....

(in the voice of Malcolm X)...BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!!!!

.....but i could be wrong

*This post in no way shape or form changes who, Im pulling for...i just think Hillary is a bitch and needs to sit down!!!*

Wesley Snipes Gets 3 Years

2008-04-25T10:47:00.004-04:00

Well....

I told yall it was gonna happen. They got him.

*****************

OCALA, Fla. - Wesley Snipes was sentenced to three years in prison on tax charges Thursday, a victory for prosecutors who sought to make an example of the action star by aggressively pursuing the maximum penalty.

*****************

Ol' Willie Snips is going to the clink.

I dont have a bit of remorse for his ass. All those damn movies (and some were actually good) and this ass thinks he doesnt have to pay taxes.

N*gga Please!!!!

I never understood why any celebrity would even think about avoiding taxes. You are in the public spotlight you have to live by a higher moral, social, and civil standard than the rest of us peons. You cant take shit with a camera there to film the ass-wiping, so they all should know the government is gonna get theirs off the top. Just like the rest of us.

I dont get to decide IF i am gonna pay taxes. That comes out before the money hits my account. I realize that because celebs arent flipping burgers or working in a customer facing capacity that their finances get handled a little differently, but all of them have accounts. And having a few in my family, I know they know that US Tax Code.

Wesley just needs to put better people in his inner circle.

So, who's left? Michael Vick got sent upstate, Foxy Brown just got out, T.I goes after his community service, Remy Ma is looking at some serious time, and now Wesley Snipes....is it just me or this a bad time for Black celebs?

And dont forget about Chloe Brown!!!

And by the way, did any one else notice how this whole Snipes case just happens to occur at the end of the tax season? Maybe a subtle reminder to the rest of us to stay on top of that tax bill.

....But i could be wrong.

JUDGE SENTENCES WESLEY SNIPES TO 3 YEARS

Dude, You're getting a Dell....maybe not

2008-04-24T10:35:00.004-04:00

Sorry fam..you brought this on yourself

The STUPIDITY of the human race never ceases to amaze me.

Thats why I have the DVR to record TruTV every Sunday from 7pm -10pm....COPS!!!!

I love watching ig'nant (i know its not a word, but work with me) folks try to wiggle their way out of obeying the law. The blatant lies, the high speed chases, and the physical altercations make for good damn tv. The whole "World's dumbest Criminals" genre is starting to grow on me as well. Again, the level of stupidity never ceases to amaze me.

Well, i am sure Chloe Brown is on the road to TruTV fame....

***************************

Taken from my local newspaper:

Police charged a Cary woman with illegally purchasing two laptop computers that were billed to the chief justice of the state Supreme Court, according to a search warrant made public this morning.

Chloe Yvonne Brown, 49, of 110 S. Atley Lane was charged by police on April 3 with one felony count of obtaining property by false pretenses, according to the City-County Bureau of Identification.

**************************

This FOOL contacted Dell and told them that she was an official with the NC Supreme Court and needed 2 laptops. She was able to produce a phony purchase order and Dell sent her the laptops. The folks at Dell, in an effort to collect payment, contacted Chief Justice Sarah Parker for payment. Naturally she had no clue about the purchase, so being a F***in' JUDGE, she turned the matter over to the authorities, who subsequently track down Ms. Brown. They rewarded her with a pair of shiny interlocking bracelets and chauffeured her ass to the county lockup.

Now you may ask yourself "This almost seems like she should have gotten away with it, how did she get caught"

Ms. Brown, being the mastermind that she is, has the laptops delivered TO HER HOUSE!!!!!
How much investigative work do you thinks the cops had to do to find her. It was harder to find an airplane at the airport, than it was for them to track her stupid ass down. Why would she have it sent to her house, yall? Why not a PO box? You know those types at the UPS store, Ship-on-site, Mailbox, etc would have been perfect. She could have given some BS personal info, given Dell the shipping info and after it was delivered, got her shit and bounced. I'm sure those places make you produce some sort of ID, but damn. She should have put more obstacles in between her and the cops other than her front door!!!

What gets me is that of all the fraudulent schemes she could have come up, WHY WOULD YOU INVOLVE A JUDGE?!?!?!

A supreme court Justice...the Chief Justice.

Thats like stealing Clarence Thomas's credit card and going to Vegas on it. You know you are going to get caught. What happens in Vegas aint gonna stay in Vegas, and what happens in Cary, NC ends up on my blog, dammit!!

And that's not the worst of it people.

You wanna know the absolute worst???

Do ya?

Really?

ok.....

I know her...very well!!!!

Lets just say there have been "family" functions that we both have attended.Imagine my surprise when I open up the paper, or turn on the TV and see Cousin Chloe looking back at me (she aint my cousin) because she wanted laptop.

Chloe, I work on computers all day, err-day. I could have hooked you up. All you had to do was ask.

I guess my 10% discount pales in comparison to the ever popular 5-finger discount.

And I'm not proud of the fact..and to be honest, I'm not embarrassed either. Its kinda funny...no...its f***king hilarious. There are some mental issues at work here.

It took this story to bring me out of hiding. As you may have noticed, its been awhile since i posted, but i had to hit this one up.

Thanks to Double S for bringing this to my light.

WOMAN CHARGED WITH INJUSTICE TO JUSTICE

Cary Woman Had Laptops Billed to NC Chief Justice

I'm Back

2008-04-24T09:47:00.004-04:00

I am blowing the dust off the ol' keyboard and getting back to what i do, yall....

Bringing you commentary on daily events.....

and i got some fire....that hits close to home...

stay tuned......

Who is Abhijit Mahato??

2008-03-14T16:42:00.004-04:00

Abhijit Mahato, A native of Tatanagar, India, was pursuing a doctorate in engineering at Duke University. His website doesnt really tell much about him either. Some basic info about where he went school, a few hobbies and how to reach him. The website looks like it needs some work.

But that work will never happen.

Abhijit Mahato was shot and killed on Jan. 18, 2008. The killer, after taking a few BS items from Mr. Mahato, remained "on the run" until just this week, when he was captured for yet another killing. This time, the victim was Eve Carson, student body president of UNC Chapel Hill.

Notice any difference in the two victims?

Yeah..i noticed it too.

This whole week, you couldnt turn from channel to another without hearing about Eve Carson and the hunt for her killers. How many of you saw the photo from the ATM camera.

I thought about people in my family that resemble the dude. Everybody was on the hunt. People were outraged. I watched Nancy Grace (probably for the first time) and listened to the callers. People wanting to know if the killers had gang ties, if they were related (dont you know all black people are related), if they had prior records. Well apparently they did, but it wasnt a big enough issue to lock them up for past crimes....

Until they killed a white girl.

There...

I said it.

This just proves the point of my fellow bloggers out there.

There is no value of life equal to that of a white female. And the rest of us need to get use to that fact. And I am guilty too. Had Mrs. Balogger not informed me of the death of Mr. Mahato and how it was related to Eve Carson, I wouldnt have given a second thought about it. I very vaguely remember this happening a few weeks ago. This isnt news in another state or city. This is my local news reporting both crimes. Cant remember one, never forget the other.

This should be a wake up call to everybody, because had the police pursued Mr. Mahato's killer with the fervency and zeal that they did with Eve Carson, then guess what.....Eve Carson would be alive right now. A life is a life and whether we think its important or not, no murder should go unsolved. Had eve Carson not met her untimely demise, Abhijit Mahato's death would go down in files with countless other unsolved (and unimportant) murders. And that not right. Being a black man myself, it bothers me, as it should anyone living in the USA who isnt a white female, that little to no effort would go into the solving of my murder. Anything short of someone saying "I did it", or a damn good eye-witness, i might as well dig my own grave and save the police some paperwork.

The family of Eve Carson should really think about their next steps. I know pursuing legal action against the authorities for the death of her may not seem like the best thing, but its gonna take cases like these two to get the point across.

************************

According to the arrest warrant, Lovette allegedly stole a cell phone, wallet and an iPod – with a combined value of about $300 – before Mahato was shot to death inside his apartment at 1600 Anderson St.

"There was information that investigators obtained that the victim's telephone had been used … the night or early morning he was murdered," Cline said.
Investigators learned numbers on the phone traced back to a number associated with Demario James Atwater

************************

That right there tells me that the police were not as concerned about finding Mahato's killer as they were in finding Eve's killer. They had the cell phone. Atwater had used it, why did it take almost 2months later to catch him? Now, we are talking about 2 different police departments and for anyone unfamiliar with the two cities know the cultural differences between Chapel Hill and Durham, NC so that may shed a little light on the situation.

Eve Carson didnt have to die guys.

Her killers damn near lived at the courthouse, with all the appearances and probation hearings they had. One of them was in court like 3 days before her death for a probation violation. Meanwhile the detectives assigned to solving Mahato's murder were probably sitting at Dunk'n Donuts, Krispy Kreme, etc. waiting for the killer to pull a John Doe (from the movie se7en) and walk into the station house with bloody fingertips screaming "DETECTIVE!!!!...you are looking for me".

I keep reiterating that Eve didnt have to die, BUT it took her death to bring the killers of Abhijit Mahato to justice.

We gotta do better guys.

And i blame the media. It was ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, Fox and all the rest that shoved Eve Carson down our throats.

"Tragic Death on the campus of UNC"

But what about the tragedy on the campus of Duke....which is only about 10miles away from UNC?

Why is a white life more important than any other?

Why are they still searching for the killers of Natalie Holloway and havent found Stepha Henry. Why are they still following Drew Peterson around hoping that he will say "I did it" but no one knows who Simone Celestin is? Why do I have to google "Dunbar Village"?

Why did it take linking the killer of Abhijit Mahato to Eve Carson for me to write about either case...

I am at fault too.

Duke Grad Student Shot to death

Murder Suspect Was in Court 2 Days Before Carson's Death

Florida calls for a Do-Over

2008-03-13T15:27:00.004-04:00

[They aren't on speaking terms right now]

In an effort to stay abreast of the political scene, and to ensure i didn't miss spend my 2600 Japanese yen, I read all major headlines regarding the race for the democratic nomination. I have spent far too long voting for folks i had no clue about.

The fight for delegates between DaROCK and Sillary has grown uglier by the day, to the point where I will probably end up voting in my first primary in May.

But thats not what this article is about.

Check it:

***************

TALLAHASSEE, Florida (CNN) -- Florida Democrats want a do-over, and state party officials have a proposal for recouping the 210 delegates that the Sunshine State lost when it moved its primary ahead of the approved time frame.

State Democratic officials knew voters' ballots wouldn't count when they were cast January 29.
The party is proposing a combination mail-in and in-person election to be held June 3. Fundraising and public comment would begin immediately.

**************

A do-over? Is this backyard football?

Being an Obama supporter, I can see how this can help our cause. With his increasing popularity, while he may not win, his delegate count will improve, getting him closer to the magic # of 2,025.

But i have a big problem with the 'mail-in' aspect of this proposal.

Lets be real. Florida isnt known for its clear cut voting process. How many of you had ever heard of a 'hanging chad' before 2000? I hadnt. Chad was a guy i went to high school with. So when you ask folks to mail their vote in, i see problems. How long will it take for those votes to be counted?

And arent we still waiting for them to recount the 2000 votes?

Before the do-over goes forward, the DNC, the Obama campaign and the Clinton Campaign all have to agree to the terms. I know Barack has very intelligent folks on his staff and I hope they are not hoodwinked into agreeing to something that may back fire.

Obama in 'O8

Florida Dems devise do-over plan for primary

Driver in Hit and Run Rampage Pleads Insanity

2008-03-04T17:03:00.005-05:00

********************

FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — A man accused of running down five people – killing one of them – in a three-county rampage four years ago pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity on Tuesday.

********************

Here's the man....

Ummmm..........yeah...that man is crazy...

Driver in Hit-and-Run Pleads Insanity

Put down the ketchup

2008-03-03T17:26:00.005-05:00

The longer I live the more I think about me and Mrs. Balogger selling everything and moving out to a farm somewhere. Raise our own crops, cattle, and chickens...shit like that.

If I based my life's decisions on the content of the email i receive on adaily basis, i would have shot my self by now.

I love my family very dearly and while some of them have not quite grasped the concept of email hoaxes, i still take the time to read their "chain letter" type emails. I was going through my old emails a few minutes ago and i found one from a 'close' relative..close as in we share the same blood.

This particular relative is NOTORIOUS for send around email warnings about "not buying gas on a certain day", the religious emails, and the mushy type that proclaim this is National Friends Week (which seems to be every week of the year...go figure).

Unless i see where they have addressed something solely to me, I ignore it. I dont delete it, but people that send out emails to multiple users dont normally get a rapid response from me....unless its my boss!!!

So, like i was saying I was going through cleaning out some emails and I came across one that said:

"This is serious! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!"

Thats exactly how it came.

Maybe after years of getting BS in my inbox, I have become immune to any type email with ALERT, WARNING, YOUR IMMEDIATE ATTENTION IS REQUIRED, or DO NOT DELETE. Those are all warning signs for a bullshit email in your inbox. My spam filter normally catches that, but I have it set for all emails from this one family member to get a free pass and get delivered straight to me....BIG MISTAKE

So I open up this "nuclear warhead" type email, and this is what i read:

ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!

SEND THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE. PEOPLE ARE SICK.

This is something you may want to take note of:

ONLY USE KETCHUP FROM THE PACKET IN FAST FOOD OUTLETS!! A man was caught placing blood in the ketchup dispenser at a fast food outlet (to remain unnamed) within the last month. It is believed that he is HIV+. So be sure to let your friends/family know...
Only use items that come in a closed packet.
Thelma Jean Martin Department of Health and Human Services Quality Assurance

After reading this, do you know what my reaction was?

Why me?

I dont understand why people are so gullible. I mean, i totally understand the intentions of my relative. They dont want to see me or my family get infected from tainted ketchup, and i appreciate that, but do they really think that something that huge would go without ample news coverage.

If this were true, CNN, FOX and the Big3 networks would be all over it. Cameras would be lined up outside the restaurant in question, statements from the company headquarters would be issued, we would see the banning of open condiment containers all together.

The vagueness of the email should raise suspicion too. The restaurant is not named. Why not? Dont you think that would be a key piece of information. And if this alleged incident did happen, dont you think the employees would be heavily screened for HIV. That right there would cause the info to be leaked to the world.

Am I supposed to stop eating ketchup in the containers now? Well what about the drink dispensers? what about the ice makers. Those pose the same hazards, dont they?

I am not saying nothing like that can happen. But it sounds like a scare tactic. Possibly conceived by the distributor of those little packets of ketchup. How hard would it be to type an email of this sort. There is no responsibility of the sender. Hell, no body knows who the original sender is.

I wrote a piece months back about Amy Bruce. This is just another example of the blind leading the blind. All it takes is a little research to see if its true. If you google HIV IN KETCHUP, look at the number 1 result..from the Center for Disease Control.

For the un-educated, un-informed and those of you that just believe anything that you get in emails, there are people in the 'cyber world' that would like nothing better than to cause hysteria, either mass or minor, based on a figment of their imagination. These same type of folks are the same ones who started the $1/email from Microsoft scam and the Amy Bruce Scam and those assholes in Nigeria who think they can convince logically thinking citizens that some relative in the Congo was worth billions of dollars and has somehow wrote you into their will.
Its all BS people...but dont take my word for it. I could be full of it too, but dont be too lazy to do some research on your own. It will make you a better person. You may even learn something useful...like:

"HIV is not an airborne or food-borne virus, and it does not live long outside the body. Even if small amounts of HIV-infected blood were consumed, stomach acid would destroy the virus. Therefore, there is no risk of contracting HIV from eating ketchup."

Straight from the CDC!!!

....but WE could be wrong

Boy Jumps from Bridge Onto Highway

2008-02-28T17:21:00.005-05:00

**The staff at Full of Hot Air is in STRONG support of corporal punishment..just ask my kids!!**

Whats wrong with our kids????

*************

Apex, N.C. — Apex police reported that a 14-year-old student from Lufkin Middle School jumped off Ten Ten Road onto U.S. Highway 1 Thursday afternoon.

Wake County schools spokesman Michael Evans said the eighth grader was facing disciplinary action and left school grounds. He was walking along Ten Ten Road when the principal approached. When the boy saw the principal, he jumped off the bridge.

Police said the boy was not hit by oncoming cars and was transferred to Wake Med.

He is listed in stable condition.

************

This dumbass (yeah, i said it) was such a bitch (said that too) that instead of taking his punishment, decides jump the hell off a bridge.

The reason I know about this is because Mrs. Balogger sends me an email about traffic being tied up because somebody committed suicide (She didnt mention the fact that incident took place about 50 miles from where she was).

Where is this fool's parents?

I have to admit. I laughed my ass off when i read this. And yeah, i know i shouldnt laugh, but ignorance is funny to me. This kid needed to be in school. If the fear of discipline in school left him no other alternative than to to end his life, then he should just cash his chips in now. Life is much harder than the BS you go through in high school.......

But wait...

This kid was in middle school!!!

Dont they still finger paint and have recess (kickball, dodgeball, duck-duck-goose) in middle school? What in the hell could he have done in 8th grade (giving him the benefit of being on track) to make him run away from school and then attempt to be R. Kelly (space jam song....keep up yall).

I guess its good he is at the hospital, because the boy needs help.

...but i could be wrong

BOY JUMPS FROM BRIDGE ONTO US1

Put your money where your mouth is

2008-02-27T16:28:00.005-05:00

I am committed now.

For the first time in my 35+ years on this blue-green planet of ours, I watched a presidential debate from beginning to end. And after listening to the commentary afterwards, this particular debate lacked some of the fireworks of previous ones.

I was still impressed.

Both candidates were able to reach me on some level. I really believe a democrat will be in the Oval Office next January. My money, literally, is on Obama.

I have just contributed 2,680.62 Yen (do the math) to put Obama in the white house. I signed up for his newsletter too ( i probably wont read it though). Thats how much the debate last night moved me.

Even though I know this wont be reported on CNN....

Full of Hot Air publicly endorses Sen. Barak Obama for President!!!

Not exactly breaking news and my 17 loyal readers probably dont care either. But I get a good feeling listening to him. I even had a good laugh at his whole "Bus in the ditch" statement referring to the Iraq war.

One thing that bothered me about Hillary last night was how she kept trying to manipulate the entire debate. Complaining about being asked the first questions, talking over the moderators and Obama, and just being a whining bitch. The text-book definition of a control freak. She came off as being desperate to prove her point. Obama was cool the entire time, even when Sillary Clinton was outright calling him a liar. I loved it.

In an effort to stay in know, occasionally I listen to Rush Limbaugh on my local talk radio station. Even though the guy is nuttier than a can of planters, he does keep you up to date on the happenings in the political arena. I was listening to him today and believe it or not, he actually encourages his listeners to vote AGAINST Sillary. Thats how much they despise her. I guess when they weighed their options of who they want to bitch about over the next 4 years (The bitch or the "boy") they chose Obama...and an excellent choice they made. So thanks to all you Right-Wing, ultra-conservative, rush babies. Its time to hang up those hooded sheets and join the rest of us in the 21st century.

I hope my 2600 Yen gets put to good use. Maybe I can convince him to let me interview him for this blog!!!

Yeah right...

Obama in 08!!!

Diver dies from Shark Bite

2008-02-26T17:08:00.005-05:00

Where is the value of life???

*********************

WEST PALM BEACH, Florida (AP) -- An Austrian tourist died Monday after being bitten by a shark while diving near the Bahamas in waters that had been baited with bloody fish parts to attract the predators.

Markus Groh, 49, a Vienna lawyer and diving enthusiast, was on a commercial dive trip Sunday when he was bitten about 50 miles off the coast of Fort Lauderdale, said Karlick Arthur, Austrian consul general in Miami, Florida.

*********************

I always start off by saying something to the effect of "This is a tragic event..." or " I dont want to sound cold..." or some sort of bullshit safety net to keep from sounding like an insensitive bastard when it comes to the loss of human life.

I am going to be honest.....

When i read that article, i started laughing. Seriously.

Not that i find the death of someone humorous. Not at all.

What i found to be the sorta "joke of the day" was the fact this man went looking for death....and he found it.

Here is how the website of the company describes the excursion:
"Consequently, there will be food in the water at the same time as the divers. Please be aware that these are not 'cage' dives, they are open water experiences."

How is a shark to distinguish between food and diver? Its all one big buffet to them. When will people realize that sharks are not to be played with. Why in the hell would someone purposely swim in the open seas with bloody remain of fish all around them just to attract sharks? I can 'almost' understand doing it if you are in the safety of a cage, but if you want to fore go the cage and mingle with sharks while they eat, then you deserve to be bitten...over and over and over.

So as I said at the beginning, where is the value of life? Was Mr. Groh such a thrill seeker that he wanted to see how close to death he could get? Did he think just because he is higher up on the food chain (pun emphatically intended!!) that he could escape the literal Jaws of death?

What drives people to want to taunt death? Life has more to offer than constantly gambling with it.

So in response to Markus Groh getting killed by a shark, I say.....who cares? He was ready to die.

....but i could be wrong.

And to add insult to injury, i give you what may have been a recreation of the event:

Ralph Nader enters presidential race

2008-02-25T13:00:00.006-05:00

Here we go again.

I am one of the last ones to have a clearly defined political stance. If you ask me who i am going to vote for in my local elections, my usual response will be, "who's running"...as if it would make a difference if i KNEW who was running.

I try to keep up with the national elections, simply because its thrust in my face on a 24/7 basis. But truth be told, i am not really "in the know" with the whole political scene.

But, this recent announcement has gotten my attention:

****************

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Ralph Nader is entering the presidential race as an independent, he announced Sunday, saying it is time for a "Jeffersonian revolution."

*
Nader's decision, which did not come as a surprise to political watchers, marks his fourth straight White House bid -- fifth if his 1992 write-in campaign is included.

****************

Ralph Nader is once again throwing his hat into the ring in a bid for the Prez's seat...for the fourth time.

Why????

It seems like he is doing it just because he can. This is the same guy who, in some people's opinion, put Baby Bush in the White House in 2000. This man actually had (still has?) the political strength to steer elections away from likely winners. We all know that Gore won the popular vote back in 2000, but because of the huge support of Nader, we was actually able to pull some key votes from Gore which cost him the election (IMO).

This being a free country, anyone can run for the presidency. Hell, I could even run in 2012 (being over 35 at that time). But, Nader running is just a bad idea. Why? Because he can really "f" things up for my "horse in this race", Obama.

Let's say Obama wins the Democratic nomination (which at this point seems likely). And it comes down to him vs. McCain. With Nader in the mix, the votes he gets arent coming from just independent voters, he is going to pull a good portion of Democratic votes as well. Not enough to get him elected, but probably enough in some of those key states, like Florida and Ohio, to sway the victory back to the Republicans.

******************

Nader has long rejected his portrayal as a spoiler in the presidential race. In his NBC interview Sunday, he cited the Republican Party's economic policies, the Iraq war, and other issues, saying, "If the Democrats can't landslide the Republicans this year, they ought to just wrap up, close down, emerge in a different form."

******************

Well why are you running then? History has shown that you can be partially blamed for the effects of the Bush administration. You would think after 5 failed attempts at the Presidency, you would realize that you aren't going to win. Sit your ass down and maybe Barrack or Hillary can straighten this mess out.

I don't know about you, but $3.15/gal gas prices is not sitting well with my wallet.

...but i could be wrong.

Ralph Nader enters presidential race

*In case you want more info about Ralph Nader (i hope this doesnt turn you into a supporter) go here. After looking at the home page, this guy is bananas. Kinda hard to say you are AGAINST him.

Just Plain Crazy

2008-02-20T17:13:00.006-05:00

On my way in to work, I always notice the personalized license plates scattered everywhere. The vanity of people never ceases to amaze me. You get ones like JMANDTM...obviously husband and wife (or husband and husband!!!) Then you get clever ones like OBX.CALM, or plain ones like LUCY1, religious ones like BBLESSED (actual plates). I am sure people try to get as vague as possible just to cram those 8 letters in there. Now they have the plates where you can get your favorite team/ civic organization or charity on your plate.

Being a member of a fraternal organization, i have considered purchasing a vanity plate (appropriately titled), but then I thought, why bother. Who really gives a damn if you like Florida State, or if you wanna save the turtles or you are a Mason?

I dont.

This morning I saw the following plate:

WTF???

I kept thinking about that plate and since I was stuck in traffic, I got the chance to study the vehicle it was attached to.

Pickup truck, with racing stickers all over it.

Racing...cars...NASCAR!!!!

Then it hits me

WE MSU #3 = We miss you Dale Earnhardt

AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

What in the hell would possess someone to actually pay for a license plate just to pay homage to a dead stock car driver. This man has been gone for 6-7 years and while his death was tragic, this type of behavior shows the lunacy of this country. I mean really, allhe did was drive a car in a circle, albeit at 200mph, but still...

I have seen people decorate their cars with all kinds of bullshit just show their eternal mourning of "The Intimidator" . Halos sitting on top his # is sad

And in my research into this subject, i found this little gem.

Sheesh....

People just wont let it go.

I wish I could call the driver of that truck. Conversation would go something like this.

#3 Fan: Hello

#3: Heeelllloooooooo (in ghostly voice)...Its meeeee...the intimidatooooooor. I haaaaave a message for yooooooou......

#3 Fan: Yes???? Oh Great One!!!!

#3: Get a liiiiiiiiiiife you retaaaaaaaaaard

Whatever happened to R.I.P.?

I know i sound insensitive. But f-it. The man is dead and you cluttering up the back of your car to show your love for Dale Earnhardt is stupid. And guess what, if you are in your car, YOU CANT EVEN SEE IT!!!!

And not to sound racial but aside from Tupac and Biggie, you just dont see the same type of behavior in the balck community. I cant imagine someone trying to cram "Remember Walter Payton" on a bumper sticker

or wearing a T-Shirt that says "Sachel Paige-Gone but not forgotten"

We just dont do that.

And dont get me started on Elvis.....

Dont Blame Me!!!!!

2008-02-20T14:06:00.003-05:00

Its Mickey's Fault.

I thought about blaming my hiatus from blogging on the sentencing of Marion Jones. My response to any inquiries to my absence would been along the lines of "...because Marion Jones is being unfairly persecuted by the justice system, by main stream media, etc."

Then i thought I would blame it on the fact that I have been extremely busy at work, but that excuse wouldnt work either. There were days that I would sit for hours with not a single issue to hit my desk.

I was letting down my tens of fans out there. What will i tell them???

BLAME MICKEY MOUSE!!!!!

Thats the truth, yall.

I got the brilliant idea to take my kids to Disney World while they are out for spring break this year. So, every spare moment I had was devoted to looking for tickets, finding hotels, places to eat and just general organizing for this trip.

5days/4night at the world's best vacation location, ORLANDO, FL. Staying at the beautiful (according the online pictures) Mystic Dunes Resorts and Golf Club. 3day park hopper pass to Disney World with a day in between for rest/relaxation.......and a timeshare presentation.

For those of you who know me, i am a salesman's nightmare. I wont buy anything unless, i want it. No amount of influence will sway me one way or the other. So you may be asking yourself, "Why is he purposely going on a timeshare presentation?"

PRICE

I did my research. To stay at a 5-star resort flat out would cost me Thousands of dollars. To stay on Disney property (which i preferred) would cost thousands also.

Because my mom is going with us (being the good son, i invited her), i needed a room with 3beds.

I didnt want to be cramped in a typical hotel room with a roll away bed or air mattress. I wanted space to stretch out. Those timeshare resorts offere incentives to stay on their property just to show you the benefits of vacation ownership.

So I will go in their 90 minute* presentation. I have done it before. The last time me and the wife went to Florida, we went on timeshares to lessen the overall cost. Its a win-win situation. I stay at a5 star resort for 5 days for abut $300 and they get to look at my handsome face for 90 minutes*.

Whether you know it or not, Disney is high as hell. For one person to go to one park for one day is damn near $80.

8-0

I got 4 people i need to get in the gate...and not just one gate..4 of them. We are going to all 4 disney parks Magic Kingdom, EPCOT, Hollysoowd Studios and Animal Kingdom.

So it was either take out a loan to go on vacation, or sit through a 90 minute* sale presentation that i know i am not intereseted in and save a bundle.

So thats where I have been.

I know i could have dropped a line or two and held on to my handful of readers, but i got wrapped up in the Magic of Disney.

But i am back now.

Get over it!!!!

So in my quest to be The World's Greatest Dad, I slipped a couple of notches in my quest to be World's Greates Blogger.

*90minute presentation is a joke. I know I am in for 3+ hours of torture

SIX MOTHERF***ING MONTHS?!?!?!?!?!?!

2008-01-11T14:40:00.000-05:00

For what????

In the words of my boy V.I., "I HATE YO AMERIKKKA!!!!"

I know thats a harsh thing to say but damn, so is sentencing her for snitching...on herself.

Marion Jones had long since hung up her stride rites to be a full time soccer mom. All of sudden she's thrust into the spot light all because of shit that took place 8 years ago.

I realize that performance enhancing drugs are illegal, but to sentence her to jail after coming clean is down right f***ed up. How can you let this woman who clearly realizes the wrong she has done go to jail for any length of time. She has been publicly humiliated, stripped of her Gold Medal Status, and now...after all that, you send her to jail?????

People go to jail for murder, tax evasion, drugs, etc. Since when do you go for telling on your damn self.

I know she is probably thinking she should have pulled a Mark McGuire and plead the 'fif' (Dave Chappelle). My pops always said Hindsight is 20/20. I guess Marion is wishing she had just kept her mouth close.

The justice system is strange. Lindsay Lohan and Britney Smears can go out panty-less, waving their dirty coochies in front of the world and snort all the cocaine in Peru, Paris Hilton can ho around Hollywood and all that is acceptable, but when Aunt Jemimah Jones says, "Hey, I wasnt totally honest when you asked me what you asked while-a-go", they throw the book at her.

I wonder what ol' Roger Clemmons is gonna have to say now.
Marion Jones is now an example to all the sports figure on that Steroid List. KEEP YO' DAMN MOUTH SHUT

I am so sorry Marion, and if you happen to read this, just know that we still love ya

To Judge Kenneth Karas.....

I will keep my comments to myself.

I aint trying to share a cell with Marion!!!!

....but i could be wrong

Track star Marion Jones sentenced to 6 months

Rapid Burst of Hot Air

2008-01-11T14:02:00.000-05:00

*I dont know why i put this picture on here. Its not relevant to anything below.*

After the long absence, i am back.

It seems like its getting harder to keep you 6 loyal readers supplied with new material. The truth of the matter is that after the new year, the job has been bananas.

But i will bitch and moan on another post.

This is something i have wanted to try. Posting little blurbs about crazy articles i get via "Reuters Oddly Enough Report".

I will call the section "Rapid Burst of Hot Air"

*****************

BERLIN (Reuters) - The owner of a small German computer company has fired three non-smoking workers because they were threatening to disturb the peace after they requested a smoke-free environment.

*****************

God forbid you want to work in an environment where your health wont be put at risk. But I have always heard that you can be fired for any reason, and i guess the same applies in Germany. Leave it to your boss to find a loop hole to get rid of your ass when all you want is to breathe clean air.

*****************

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A telephone company cut off an FBI international wiretap after the agency failed to pay its bill on time, according to a U.S. government audit released on Thursday.

*****************

This just proves that no matter who you are, or what you are doing, if you dont pay your bills, your shit gets terminated. Now that i think about, i may need to check my vonage account

****************

WARSAW (Reuters) - A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees. Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town.

****************

Can either one really get mad at the other? Hypothetically, if i went into a brothel (which are very illegal in NC) and spotted Mrs. Balogger there, several emotions would go through my head. 1. Shock at being caught by my wife 2. Embarrassment that someone i know saw me buying coochie 3. Extreme anger that my wife is selling hers 4. Relief....

****************

HOUSTON (Reuters) - A Houston-area man was killed in a hunting accident after his dog stepped on a loaded shotgun in the back of a pick-up truck, triggering a blast that pierced the vehicle and the hunter's leg, a local sheriff said.

****************

LMAO!!!!!

I am sorry. I know this is a tragic event, but damn. Killed by your dog? Something tells me Michael Vick is somehow involved

...But i could be wrong

Fraudulent Hannah Montana Essay

2008-01-04T16:09:00.000-05:00

As a child there are certain things that, in your youthful mind, you must have. For me, it ranged from starwars toys, transformers, a bike, etc. As i got older and my desire for things changed, there were certain legal aspects that i had to overcome to get what i wanted:

1. I wanted to see House Party, but didnt quite meet the age requirement, so i bought tickets to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and snuck into House Party.

2. I wanted to imbibe alcohol several years before reaching the legal drinking age of 21, so, while attending college, my friends and i would pay adults that hung around the convenience store, to get malt liquor, and fortified wine for us.

3. I have even....on occasion..not fastened my seat belt while riding in a car!!!!

"But Mr. Balogger...where is all this going????"

Here's why:

******************

GARLAND, TX -- A 6-year-old girl who won four tickets to a Hannah Montana concert with an essay that falsely claimed her father died in Iraq won't be going to the show after all.

******************

Priscilla Ceballos "assisted" her 6 year old daughter in writing an essay to win tickets to see Hannah Montanna, the teen sensation that has prepubescent girls all over the country going crazy.

The essay was written as part of a contest sponsored by Club Libby Lu, a store which specializes in fashion for young girls.

Priscilla's determination to win caused her to start off the essay with "My daddy died in Iraq this year" which won the contest for her....and caused her to lose it as well. They interviewed her on The Today Show. Matt Lauer asked her "How did you explain to your daughter that she wasnt going to the show". Ms Ceballos responded "I told her the letter was a lie and i have refused the tickets"

This woman wouldnt know the truth if it slapped her in the face with a blonde wig.

Priscilla Ceballos: Winner of the January Jackass Award

I realize that people would do any and everything to see a smile on their child's faces. I have done some ridiculous things for my kids...like paying $10 for 3min elephant ride (i wont go there), but when you have to use a sensitive subject as death of our troops in an unpopular war, you have wonder where she left her good judgement.

You have to wonder about the affect of this on the child. First off, her mother convinced her to write a series of lies in the hopes of seeing some whiny teenager who gained fame from Mr. Achy Breaky Heart. Then, miraculously she wins the contest, because people melt when it comes to the affects of war on children. And after all that excitement, her dreams are crushed when the lie is revealed. I really feel sorry for that little girl because she truly had no clue what was going on. All she knew was that she wanted to see Hannah.

I dont think this story is over. I can see some bleeding heart out there paying for just the daughter to go, because the sins of mother, should be paid for by the child.

...but i could be wrong

PS...for those of you who are like "who in the F*** is Hannah Montana?" here the wiki on her:
Hannah Montana is an American Emmy Award-nominated[1] children's television series, which debuted on March 24, 2006 on Disney Channel. The series focuses on Miley Stewart, (played by Miley Cyrus), who lives a double life as an average teenage girl at school during the day, and a famous pop singer (Hannah Montana) at night, concealing her real identity from the public, other than her close friends and family.

Garland girl, 6, wins Hannah Montana tickets with false essay

BLIZZARD IN NC!!!!!

2008-01-02T16:47:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year Yall!!!

Its the first post of '08.

For those that dont know, I live in NC. And like i have said in previous posts, i have been around the globe quite abit, but i seemed to find my way back to my roots.

We got our first snow storm today.

I think it snowed for about 30min. Total accumulation: .008" (not really sure..just guessing)

A Local news station even had a photo expose on the snow fall today. I mean really, who gives a shit if you got white flakes on your leaves?

What makes people in the south crazy over snow???

I spent about 4years in North Dakota. When I say i NEVER want to see snow again, I mean it. People go absolutley crazy over snow. They crowd the grocery stores and leave all of theri driving skills at home.

I am sure folks in the nothern tier states laugh at the spectacle we make of ourselves anytime at snows. I, for one am glad we dont get much snow (if any). There was an ice storm here about 3years ago. The whole area shut down. Major Highways were literal parking lots for HOURS. Kids got left at school. It was a mess. How did I handle it? I was in Iraq at the time, so I missed the "frustration", But boy do i hear the stories from Mrs. Balogger.

To see my coworkers today, crowding the window to look at "snow" was embarrassing. The way they were acting, you would have thought it was manna from heaven falling from the sky.

"Look, everybody...ITS SNOWING!!!"

Here's a tip...if you have to squint your eyes to see it snowing...it aint snowing...

...but i could be wrong

*NOTE FROM THE BALOGGER - I know this post was boring as hell, but there's not much to write about, so stayed tuned for more mindless babbling*

Flurries in NC

Tiger's Escape at Zoo

2007-12-26T11:55:00.000-05:00

Another tragic event relating to animals:

***************

SAN FRANCISCO, California (CNN) -- Investigators on Wednesday will try to determine how a Siberian tiger escaped from her enclosure at the San Francisco Zoo the day before, killing one zoo visitor and mauling two others.

***************

While the events that took place last night are no laughing matter (heartfelt sympathies to the affected families) you gotta wonder what makes these animals go crazy on us humans.

Could it be the fact that they are caged up and made to roll out on cue to perform for us mindless zoo patrons who seem to get enjoyment out of looking at a trapped animal. Maybe they were tired of being taunted and humiliated by folks.

Now i am not some militant PETA activist, no tree hugger or super vegan-type. I have had my fair share of school field trips to the zoo, and have taken my kids as well, but we, as the "superior species" must realize that when all is said is done, its survival of the fittest and if that tiger happens to get free, those animal instincts are going to kick in. Its not animal instincts, thats survival. For some reason, that tiger felt threatened, and though her death was necessary to prevent further loss of life, you cant really blame the tiger.

When referring to the tiger attack on Sigfried and Roy, Chris Rock said it best, "That tiger didnt go crazy. That tiger went tiger". Plain and simple. These are animals who dont have the ability to pull up to McDonalds to eat, they cant go to the local Shop Rite and grab a pack of Gordon's Fish Sticks. I dont know why the tiger attacked, but she must have felt that was her only option.
If we are going to keep containing animals in zoos, we need ensure that all safety measures are in place and that in the event of an escape, an immediate and adequate response can be initiated.

But then you have those folks that just have to f*** with the animals. You know the type. Jackasses that think its funny to throw shit at the elephants, that bang on shark tanks, that moon the baboons. For them, I dont have a problem with an occasional mauling, not to the point of death, but a sort of wake up call.

I was in Florida a few years back. There was a news story about a man at Sea World who was constantly wondering around the KILLER whale tank. When he was questioned by the park authorities, he said the whales were talking to him. Now anyone with common sense could clearly see this man was a few fries short of a happy meal. A couple of days later, they found his ass floating in the tank....butt ass naked!!!

There are some crazy people in this world so lets not put all the blame on the caged animals. Imagine if you were put on display and you somehow found your way free. You may kill too.

....but I could be wrong.

TIGER ESCAPE AT ZOO

Happy (Belated) Holidays from "Full of Hot Air"

2007-12-26T10:40:00.000-05:00

OK...today is my first day back on the job after a well deserved week off. Hence, no posts. Remember, no butt at work, no post on blog. I just dont have the hours in a day to dedicate. I think i worked harder on my days off than i would if i was at work....

So lets get back to it.

Let me first say to all who celebrated, I hope you all had a Merry Christmas. If you dont celebrate it, take the time to thank those who, for the day off. I dont think its right for people who dont believe in Christian holidays to be able to take advantage of them. But then again, there are holidays that i should celebrate that often fall by the wayside. I really cant remember doing anything...ever...on MLK day. So, i guess an atheist is entitled to a day off on Christmas.

Holidays around the Balooger household are crazy. Even though i have traveled all over this globe, from the coldest of climates to the hottest, i somehow ended up right back where i started, which means my family is here as well. Me and Mrs. Balogger and the kiddies spend the holidays bouncing from house to house, so that everyone gets ample face time. Its great for the kids because people are constantly giving them money, but for me, its like my car has revolving door on it, because as soon as i get out, i am getting right back in to go to the next destination. I keep telling people that next year i am staying at home, but it never happens.

But anyways, this is a short post...just to get my fingers warmed up. and also to wish all of you a Happy Holiday season.

Are We Really That Bad???

2007-12-17T17:22:00.000-05:00

I was watching TV Sunday Morning (i know i should have been at church) and i saw this program on TLC called Million Dollar Christmas. It was showing how recent lottery winners were spending their first holiday as millionaires. My household usually tunes into TLC when they have one of those "While you were gone, I threw a bunch of shit up on the walls" or "lets go throw a bunch of ugly shit up on our friend's wall and let them do the same thing to ours" or "your wardrobe/house is totally jacked up and you should be ashamed of yourself, let us help you buy stuff that is way out of your budget and boost your self-esteem at the same time". But this show was about rags to riches and how ordinary folk are coping with new money.

Normally i couldnt care less about how some lottery winner was throwing his cash away, but like many of the rest of Black America, anytime i see "my people" on the tube i hang around for a minute to see how they are portrayed.

Embarrassed is not a strong enough term for how i felt after watching this program.

Here's a bit of background:

Back in '06, 13 social workers in St. Louis won around $224 million from the powerball drawing. According to the TLC program, all but one quit their jobs. For some reason TLC thought it would be nice to check in with the winners around the holidays to see how they were dealing with their new found wealth.

The first winners they featured were Rob Carlton and Alice Williams. They showed Rob and wife spending money on pool tables and buying things for their house and then they wanted to use their winnings to help out a needy family. So they go to their local outreach program and select a family to help. It was a Grandmother who had adopted her 5 grandkids because their mother had died. Rob and his wife go shopping for them..buying toys and clothes, for the kids and the grandmother. Mrs. Balogger was crying her eyes out....she's sentimental like that. Rob and his wife also held a fund raiser in their home to raise money for another outreach program that feeds the homeless.

Then they showed Alice and how she was using her money. Now this is the same woman who decided to keep working after winning. After watching this program, thats probably her best move because she is going to soon be penniless. Her daughters were enjoying her winnings more than she was. They showed her oldest daughter losing her damn mind at the mall, buying hats and poofy scarfs and shoes and shit...just getting carried away. She bought her other daughter a condo and a car, but neither daughter seemed very grateful. I guess to put Alice in some sort of positive light, they showed how she was crusading for a pay raise for her fellow social workers. She met with her local alderman and state rep to complain about how much work versus little pay the social workers are getting. She fell short of asking them to reach in their pocket and give these folks a raise. I was asking myself, "What dies this women expect?" Everybody feels like they are underpaid. TLC showed her walking up the same old steps complaining about pay raises. In the end they gave her some sort of "Alice Williams Day" proclamation...but no raise.

I feel like she just did that for the camera after the way her daughters were portrayed.

It just didnt sit right with me to see one family using their money to help others and then another family going on a shopping spree. Guess which family was white and which was black. It makes me think back to a line from Chappelle show.."They should've nevah gave you ni**as money!!!" It just proves something my grandmother told me years ago...a fool and his money will soon part ways. I am not calling those people fools (cause that would sound like i am hatin on them for winning), i am just saying that people do foolish things when they get a little money.

Think about this. How many times have you seen a 1990 or earlier car riding around with rims that look like they belong on a tractor? Rims that cost sometimes twice as much as the car they are attached to. To my young readers out there, is that really a good way to spend your money.

Who do those rims benefit? You cant see them while you are in the car!

But this is about the TLC doc.

The second installment was just as bad. Georgia Griffin & Sandra Hayes. Georgia decided to quit also, but instead of sitting around on her ass, she decide she wants to renovate houses and help out the folks with Habitat for Humanity. Once again, very admirable use of your money. But then we have Sandra. I really got tired of hearing her tell people how big her house is. Whether it was the folks in Home Depot, where she spent over $400 on Christmas decorations, or the guys she hired to decorate her front yard for Christmas. But that wasnt the bad part. Sandra son decides that he wants to move back home with mama. He was like in his mid 20's and didnt have a job because "i am working on this music thang...know what I'm saying?"

No, jackass i dont know what you saying...and neither was Sandra. She put his rusty behind out in the streets and towards the end he comes home for Christmas with his homies to do a "Dear Mama" tribute. It was sad. But it wasnt just her son who was acting like Sandra owed him something. She has two sisters, who decided to use their camera time to basically dog their sister out. "Sandra needs to stop thinking about herself and stop being selfish" & "Sandra knows I am living pay check to paycheck and she needs to help me with my bills"

STOP CRYING

I am pretty sure that before Sandra hit the lottery, she was in the same boat. She got lucky. Face it. Accept it and move on. If she wants to give you some of her winnings, thats up to her. And if she doesnt, then move on. "Putting her on Blast" in front of the world is not gonna change her and in fact it may cancel any plans Sandra had to give you anything.

There are countless reports of lottery winners being dead broke a short time after they win. Mrs.Balogger and i talked about this (as i am sure everyone does). There are certain folks that we know we have to take care of IF we ever hit the lottery (Even though i dont play), but i dont plan on being a fool with my money. I want to make sure i wont have to punch a clock for anyone but my self and that my kids get a good start in life.

But since i dont play, i guess i wont ever be faced with that challenge.

But my main concern was how ignorant people can be when they come into some money. If anyone reading this has won or win in the future, take my advice. Change your phone number, call a legitimate financial counselor and make a to-do list for your cash...

and then send me a consultants fee!!!

"Lucky 13" Celebrate Winning $224 Million Powerball Jackpot

But I Cant Play with a Rain Check....

2007-12-14T17:25:00.000-05:00

*This is about as close as some of you are going to get to a Wii before '08*

Man...i laughed when i read this:

******************

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Nintendo Co Ltd (7974.OS) said on Friday it will launch a "rain check" program to deliver the Wii in January to shoppers who can't get hold of the game console due to inventory shortages over the holiday season.

******************

The Wii has become like crack to John Q. Public. Knowing that they couldnt (or wouldnt??) meet the demand, Nintendo, with the help of retailer gameStop are now offering Rain Checks for the Wii.

There reason behind this?

Allow me to quote Nintendo of America's president Reggie Fils-Aime The Rain Checks are "a great way for consumers who desperately want a Wii to be able to have *something* to put under the tree, a certificate that guarantees their family will be able to get a system in January"
Something under the tree....

I can see it now....

Christmas morning, Little Nathan crawls out of bed and heads downstairs. He's been good all year. He went to the mall and told Santa (who had a strange odor) that ALL HE WANTED WAS A WII. He looks under the tree and sees a lonely envelope with his name on it. He opens it thinking that maybe its a clue to wear Santa hid the Wii that he most definitely has earned. Little Nathan's dreams come crashing down on his little head when he opens the envelope and sees a Rain Check....that promises him a Wii by the end of January. In his frustration his 7year old mouth lets out...

F*** YOU SANTA!!!!!!

I cant believe that Nintendo, in what clearly is a marketing ploy to starve the customer of what it wants to drive up the demand,and maybe even the cost, is suggesting that a piece of paper with promises of a future delivery will quench that thirst of a Wii.

I have to admit. I felt the thirst, but instead of hoping one would fall in my lap, i got my ass up at 430am one Sunday morning and stood in front of my local electronics store with about 30 other idiots and paid retail price for one. Granted, it was cold as hell and it took me about an hour to warm up, but the thrill is gone.

Ever since the days of Cabbage Patch Kids, Tickle Me Elmo, and Easy Bake Ovens, there has always been that "gotta have it" item for Christmas. What makes us, #1 wait until the November/December to pick up these items, #2 Go through extreme measures to get them, #3 Forget all about them in 12months....Well i know what it is...GREED.

We have to have something because someone else has it and their lives are so much better with it. Look at the fools that stood on line for iphones and paid ridiculous amounts of money only to be financially shat upon a few weeks later when Apple CEO drops the price.

i am sure next year this time the Wii's will be selling for about $150

.....But i could be wrong

Nintendo and Gamestop to guarantee Wiis after holiday

Surrogate Mom scammed Wannabe Parents out of Thousands

2007-12-14T16:50:00.000-05:00

Man, I'll tell ya.

People will do anything to snatch money that doesnt belong to them.
I really thought i was hip to a good majority of the scams floating around, but this one was outside my radar.

********************

COLUMBIA, S.C. - A South Carolina woman accused of promising couples she would be their surrogate mother has been charged with bilking at least six people out of $14,000, police said Thursday.

Jessica O'Donnell, 28, used the Internet to lure couples desperate to have children, prosecutors said. She was charged with obtaining money under false pretenses and was being held Thursday on $140,000 bail.

*******************

Let me start off by saying that any person that is unable to conceive children, has every right to pursue becoming a parent by any and all means available. Like i have told several people, the greatest job in the world is being a Daddy. But this whole thing had scam written on it from the start.

Jessica was pimping her womb to any and everybody. She convinced several people to mail, along with cash, frozen sperm to a place for her retrieval.

Once again, if you want to enjoy parenthood, i am sure you would seriously weigh any and all options to have a child, but you gotta get up pretty early in the morning to convince me to send my man-gravy along with my cash to someone who "i dont know from adam-housecat" to quote Mrs. Balogger.

Damn...what did she do with all that semen?

The police said she collected like $16,000 from wanna-be parents. I feel real sorry for those folks and i am sure i am going to get some flack behind my next comment, but they should have known better.

Why would you think this was anything but a scam? Regardless of what this woman told me, unless she lived across the street from me, there is no way i would believe she was gonna use my love juice to impregnate herself.

I just had a sick thought....

What if Mrs. Jessica was legit and was willing to insert some anonymous baby batter in her body BUT... someone sent her seed from a horse and 9months later she.......

That's too sick...nevermind

I need help and so does Jessica O'Donnell...

...but i could be wrong

Woman charged in surrogate mother scam

Preacher's Wife Lied About Being Kidnapped

2007-12-11T17:18:00.000-05:00

I know not many of us heard about this. Truth be told, the only reason i heard about is because it was on the Today show last week.

*************************

TOLEDO, Ohio (AP) -- A pregnant attorney who vanished for four days last week now says her tale of being kidnapped at gunpoint and taken to Georgia was fabricated, police said Tuesday. Her husband said she had "a meltdown."

**************************

Karyn Hancock was reported missing last week from her home in Toledo, OH. She was found near Six Flags in Georgia after waving down s motorist.

There was much relief in the Hancock house only to have that rocked by the discovery that it was hoax by Miss Karyn

Apparently burdened with the responsibilities of being an attorney, a mother and preacher's wife, Karyn decides that ATL is the place she wants to be.

I guess we should be glad that the media didnt take up a lot of time for this hoax....unlike Jennifer Wilbanks.

...

In case that name no longer rings a bell

It just blows my mind to see the blatant disregard for persons of color that go missing. Look at all the attention given to the Natalie Holloway's, Stacy Peterson's, Laci Petersen's, etc. (note to self: keep watchful eye for any kids named petersen).

As always, i hate pulling the race card, but there is no way to avoid it. Missing Black Women are just not newsworthy. I wont get into all the "this black female went missing at the same time as this white female". Its not necessary. But i do want to mention one particular comparison:

Anyone remember Elizabeth Smart? 15yr old white female that was missing for months and was found about 20miles from her house. Everyone remembers that. But tell me who Erica Pratt is. Here's the link.

Just ask yourself this. Name one missing black female (either found or not found) past or present.

Dont worry..i cant think of any either...except for Stepha Henry

I am sorry sistas, but you better make sure if you get snatched up that you get to a phone quick. There wont be any news coverage, unless you decide to go to six flags.

...but i could be wrong

Pregnant attorney admits kidnap tale was a lie

Sentences Reduced for Convicted Drug Dealers

2007-12-11T15:06:00.001-05:00

I know...

I know....

I have been so busy, that by the time i get a chance to check out headlines, its time for me to leave. So a thousand apologies to my loyal readers, i hope i didnt lose too many of you.

Lets get on to bidness.

(Full of HotAir does not condone the use of drugs. Tyrone Biggums is just a damn funny guy!)

I found this today on CNN:

**************************

Buoyed by a Supreme Court ruling, some 19,500 federal inmates and their families, most of them black, are hoping the U.S. Sentencing Commission is ready to make its recent easing of crack cocaine punishment guidelines retroactive.

**************************

This has been in the news recently. Apparently the stuffed suits in Washington are just realizing the disparities between sentencing a black man with crack-cocaine and any other race with just crack.

**************************

If this is made retroactive approx 19,000 of currently jailed drug offenders may see their sentences drastically reduced.

Why?

I understand that there is a greater issue with blacks being sentenced unfairly when compared with those of other races, but lets be real. They still broke the law and if, as time goes by, someone says "hey..maybe we should just charge for cocaine period" that should not mean that we go and let convicted criminals (black, white, or other) back on the street.

The bottom line is they broke the law. Would they have reconsidered if they new the sentence would have been lighter? No. The problem isnt 15yrs vs. 10yrs. The problem is they sold drugs. They made a profit from poisoning another person.

If the law is adjusted from this point further, then newly convicted drug dealers come out on top. They dont have to serve as a sentence as someone convicted back in the 90's.

There is no need to make these prison sentences retroactive.

Here's a scenario:

One day you are driving down I-20. A cop catches you doing 70mph in a 65mph zone. You go to court, pay a fine, and pay increased insurance rates. 10years later, while driving that same stretch of road, you notice the speed limit has been increased to 70mph. Does that entitle you to a refund for previously paid fines? Hell no.

When you knowingly break the law, you know there is a penalty to pay. You have to be willing to suffer the consequences, whatever they may be.

...but i could be wrong.

Don't Leave!!!

2007-12-06T17:03:00.000-05:00

i am still here....just REAL busy at the job...i am going to get back on the saddle shortly. In the meantime...enjoy some of my previous post...

And for God's sake...LEAVE COMMENTS!!!!

NOTE TO SELF: Stay the F**k out of Sudan!!!

2007-11-30T11:38:00.000-05:00

Ok....

Enough is enough.

I have NEVER devoted 3 posts to one subject but this teddy bear case is growing legs.

Obviously not satisfied with the 15-day jail sentence, the Sudanese common-man is calling for her execution.

************************

KHARTOUM, Sudan - Thousands of Sudanese, many armed with clubs and knives, rallied Friday in a central square and demanded the execution of a British teacher convicted of insulting Islam for allowing her students to name a teddy bear "Muhammad."

************************

EXECUTION

DEATH

LIFE-NO-MORE

Get the F**k out of here!!!!

Are you serious Mr. Sudanese?!?!?!?!

There has to be someone out there instigating this whole thing. This clearly shows either a lack of information, a sincere hatred for anything thats non-Islamic, or just outright ignorance. There were actual protest in the streets of Khartoum calling for her death. Clerics stating (and I quote), "This an arrogant woman who came to our country, cashing her salary in dollars, teaching our children hatred of our Prophet Muhammad".

What hatred, Mr. Sudanese?!?!?!

I am really starting to think there may be some type of hidden motive behind the protest. Maybe the Sudanese are attempting to let the world know that you cant come to their country naming teddy bears anything that you want.

Its really sad that with all the other problems in the world (terrorism, starving countries, HIV epidemic), a teddy bear will get the Sudanese upset.

I truly hope that this is the last time Gillian Gibbons will appear on Full of Hot Air.

Message to the Sudanese:IT"S A DAMN TEDDY BEAR!!!!

CALLS IN SUDAN FOR EXECUTION OF BRITON

Rodney King Wounded in a Shooting

2007-11-29T17:12:00.000-05:00

Recently i wrote an article about why I dont care if Mike Tyson goes to jail for a day. It seems like the media is running out of stories (i know the feeling) and has made this 1990's 'icon' newsworthy again.

******************

RIALTO, California (CNN) -- Rodney King, whose 1991 police beating sparked widespread rioting in Los Angeles and other U.S. cities, was recovering Thursday after being slightly wounded by gunfire.

******************

Clearly CNN is reporting this as a bit of comic relief. It has to be. Who cares about Rodney King? And further reading into the article clearly proves that the boy just aint right in the head:

******************

Lewis said that after King was shot Wednesday night, he rode his bicycle from San Bernardino to his home in Rialto, before calling police about 11:40 p.m.

******************

A bicycle.

This is the same guy who after being treated like a pinata by the LAPD, was awarded $3.8 million. I guess after getting his record label started, there wasnt much left over for another Hyundai.

I just cant believe he is still making the news. Just like the death of Princess Diana, why are we still holding on to the past.

There are even some of us who still think Tupac is alive. That man died.....

...or did he???

RODNEY KING WOUNDED IN A SHOOTING

British teacher jailed for 15 days in Sudan

2007-11-29T14:36:00.000-05:00

****************************

KHARTOUM (Reuters) - A British teacher accused of insulting Muslims after her class called a teddy bear Mohammad was found guilty and jailed for 15 days, a defence lawyer said on Thursday.

Gillian Gibbons, 54, was ordered to be deported after she had completed her sentence.

***************************

WTF?!??!

I usually wont devote a second post once i have covered a story, but when my News ticker scrolled this one past me, i almost fell out of my chair.

15days!!!!

She got 15 days for naming, wait...allowing someone else to name a teddy bear Mohammad.

What about the boy who actually gave the bear the name. Surely he got the 40lashes.

Apparently not.

But i realized something, which we all should take heed to.

When you travel outside of your country, you are subject to the laws of the land in which your feet are resting. Fair and unfair are a matter of opinion and if you feel like you are being persecuted unfairly, there's not a lot you can do about it.

I am not saying that the teacher got what she deserved. i think the sentence is unjust, but being from the UK and working in Sudan, the responsibility rested on her to know the laws. There are some laws here in the US that even i dont know, but ignorance is not a defense. Can you tell an officer you didnt know the speed limit was 55mph when you were clocked doing 70mph? You can tell him, but you are still getting the ticket.

While in the military, i was fortunate enough to travel to an Muslim country, Turkey. Now Turkey are nowhere near the same type of country as Sudan, but we were instructed before arriving that we are subject to the laws of the land and to be careful what we say and do. We heard the story about a solider from another country, who defiled a landmark there. His crime? There was a statue of one there founding fathers, Ataturk i think his name is, riding a horse. Well the solider decided that the horse needed one more rider and proceeded to mount Ataturk's horse. A cop saw him and hauled his ignorant ass to jail. Now if i climbed a statue of George Washington on a horse, would i go to jail?

Probably not.

Gillian Gibbons has taught us all a lesson.

British teacher jailed for 15 days in Sudan

Mohammed the Teddy Bear

2007-11-28T13:00:00.000-05:00

This is just....just...ummm...damn...sad? strange? ridiculous?

I guess all those words apply to the case of British Teacher Gillian Gibbons

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KHARTOUM, Sudan (CNN) -- A British teacher arrested in Sudan after allowing her class to name a teddy bear "Mohammed" has been charged by authorities with offending religion, British officials say.

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She was put in a Sudanese jail for this, yall. A teddy bear. And all she did was ask her class to give it a name. I dont see where she did anything. Check this out:

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Under country's law, the offense is punishable with 40 lashes, a jail term of up to a year or a fine.

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40 lashes???

I am not making this stuff up.

It seems that the Sudanese government finds teddy bears somewhat offensive if they have the same name as 10million other men walking around the planet today.

I am not making light of the situation. I contemplated converting to Islam both in college and while in the military. I swore off pork, started reading both the bible and Koran on the regular. But i never quite made the full commitment. I never once, in my reading, saw where Allah forbidden the naming of a childs toy after Mohammed.

Its a damn toy!!! With a common Muslim name.

And this teacher is being jailed...not for calling it Mohammed....not for dressing it in Arabic garb, but for simply saying "Children, the bear needs a name. What do you want to call him?"

Now check this out (from a related story):
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One of her pupils told reporters yesterday that he had named the teddy bear after himself. “The teacher asked what I wanted to call the teddy. I said Mohammad, after my name,” he said.
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Its not even named after the Prophet Mohammad, but Mohammad Jenkins or whatever the kid's last name is. Thats something i would do. People are always obsessed with themselves. I dont blame that kid. I would have done the same thing.

The government officials in Sudan cant really believe this woman is purposely offending their religion with this gesture. It seems like a someone jumped the gun on this one.

...but I could be wrong

TEACHER CHARGED IN TEDDY BEAR CASE

TEACHER AT RISK OF MORE SERIOUS CHARGES

Ramblin' On and On

2007-11-27T17:09:00.000-05:00

Man...its hard to find something to blog about today, or yesterday while i am at it.

Not that there havent been big items in the news lately. But nothing is really hitting me hard. So...

This post is about nothing.

Just me babbling on...(which is what i do anyway)

Truly giving you a dose of hot air.

First Topic:

Just coming back from Thanksgiving. While sitting at the dinner table prior to the big turkey feast, my kids asked me about Thanksgiving. I gave them the whole spiel about pilgrims and indians and all that jazz. But what is Thanksgiving really all about?

FOOD

Thats it. Thanksgiving is all about food. Whenever someone asks me how was my Thanksgiving, they are really asking "How was the food on Thursday?"

We have all heard people say this is the time of year to be thankful for what you have and show kindness to those less fortunate. But really, its all about the food.

And why is 'dinner' so damn early in the day?

If you ever invited someone to your house for Thanksgiving and told them dinner would be served at 7pm, they would look at you like you were crazy.

The latest 'dinner' i've had was 3pm. People are in a hurry to give thanks, i guess.

The menu is the same, turkey, stuffing, some sort of casserole and cakes and pies.

Next topic:

While searching for something important to write about, i stumbled across a story about Steve Harvey. Apparently , his wife is not too bright. This chick is suing Steve's lawyer for coaxing her into a divorce in which she got holding the short end of the stick. But i think the blame lies on her shoulders because instead of going to get a Johnnie Cochran or Gloria Alred type lawyer, she uses the same attorney that Steve uses. So you got one lawyer representing two opposing parties.

And who do you think the lawyer was more concerned with? Mrs. Harvey, who probably would mess up a good knock knock joke, or Mr. Harvey, who is still bringing in dollars? Case closed.

This chick should have known that she was going to get Munson'ed using the same lawyer as her ex-to-be. I dont care what race color creed, etc. you may be. All women know to go after the money when you arrive in Splitsville. She should have called Juanita Jordan for advice.

Next Topic:

I just saw an article on EURweb.com about Beyonce going country.

Who cares?

Why is "going country" a big deal? I know i wrote an article about Bobby Brown going country, but why is country the taboo genre when it comes to pop music. I guess thats the ultimate in crossing over for urban/pop/hip-hop artist.

But stop bothering us with it.

Let me know when Beyonce goes Polka...

Or when 50cent drops that new Tejano cd

Or when Michael Jackson decides to do R&B.....(yeah i said it)

...but i could be wrong

STEVE HARVEY'S CON JOB DIVORCE

BEYONCE BITTEN BY THE COUNTRY BUG?:

Everybody has a weakness.

2007-11-21T14:29:00.000-05:00

No matter how big and bad or tough you think you are, we all have that one element of life that will break us down.

For some it may be being in confined spaces.

Or being in high places

Or being stuck on a bridge

Maybe Adam's Apples

For me its flying insects.

{Author's note: I really and truly almost passed out trying to insert this picture. Lord help me!}

Why am i discussing this today?

Well, on my way to the restroom, i hear a bumping/buzzing sound. That only means one thing. There is a winged-beast bumping into something.

My eyes scan my surrounding looking for the culprit. All of a sudden, THERE IT IS!!! A HUGE horsefly bumping into the fluorescent lights above. I know he saw me. He drops down and starts after me. I could hear him calling me by name.

I do my best impression of G.I.Joe and begin low-crawlin' out the door. I felt like a child, but the whole time, i didnt give sh!t. I was getting away from that damn thing.

That whole episode made me realize that I have a problem.

I am scared of flying insects.

There.

I said it.

Bees, Wasps, hornets, yellow-jackets. basically anything thats flies and stings will find me seeking shelter from it.

Mrs. Balogger is always giving me a hard time about it too, which just makes me feel terrific. Nothing is worse than your spouse taunting you over your phobias. Kinda makes you want to poke them eye with a rusty nail.

I have always been afraid of flying insects. Those things are mean. And bold. How can something that small have an attitude?

And then you have the folks that say, if you dont bother them they wont bother you.

KISS MY A$$

How do we know the mentality of an insect?

How do we know whether that insect has had a bad day or not. he may have just gotten laid off from the hive and is seeking revenge. He may have found out his insect-wife is pregnant with 10,000 larvae and he just started working at McSwarm's

He may just be a bully and want to torment the human race for years of persecution.

I will never forget it. One Sunday morning, i am doing some "maintenance" on my pc at home. My son comes up to me and says "Daddy, there is a fly downstairs and he keeps bothering me"

So i blow it off because really...who cares about a fly.

10 minutes go by and my son comes back, "daddy, the fly is still bothering me"

Reluctantly, i head downstairs. I walked into the living room where my son was watching TV and then, I saw it.

5 WASPS circling around a crack in the door of my fireplace.

I never fought so hard to remain conscience.

My fight or flight instinct kicked in. I evacuated everyone from the room and got the Raid. I think i emptied the can in that room. The whole while, my "better half" looked at me with this smirk on her face and shook her head. Have you ever felt like testing the effects of bug spray on a human? I have.

So, now you know. If you ever want to see me act like a little b!tch, tell me you see a bee on my head. But be prepared to get stabbed once i wake up....

HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM THE HOT AIR BALOGGER!!!!

Tyson Jailed for 24Hrs

2007-11-19T14:22:00.000-05:00

WHO CARES?

If this had been 1987, maybe.

But really, who cares what goes on with Mike Tyson?

I grew up watching Tyson destroy folks in the ring. I was one of his biggest fans. I watched the HBO movie about his life played by the same guy who played Spawn. I was there cheering for him when he demolished Peter McNeely in 89 seconds after getting out of jail for what some (including me) was a BS charge.

It seems like after Mike got out of jail, he lost it.

The man really went crazy.

Biting folks.

Tatttoing his face.

Losing fights.

Now he wants to turn into a coke head....

Well let him. He clearly no longer wishes to box anymore and unless he has some unrevealed talent, he pretty much will fade into oblivion.

And i not happy about how his career turned out. He made a bunch piss poor decisions in life and now he is paying the price. As my cousin might say, Cus D'Amoto is crying side, adn so am I. I will be the first to tell you. Growing up, I had 3 favorite Mike's...Jackson, Jordan, and Tyson. And out of those 3, Jordan turned out to be half-way sane. Dont even get me started on Mr.Jackson.

Its just another example of how if you are not prepared to live the life of a celebrity, stay out of the celeb world. Tyson had too much put in front of him all at one time.

Money, Fame, Women, but no one to be that voice of reason. Someone who might say "Mike, maybe you shouldnt buy a tiger" or "Mike, I aint too sure about this new chick, Robin. She seems to be too close to her mom" or "Hey Mike, if you are going to see a chick at 2am, BRING A WITNESS!!!"

When Tyson was pulled over and asked about the white powdery substance on his dashboard, he replies that he "preferred to smoke it in Marlboro cigarettes with the tobacco pulled out"

What a Nutty Nucka.

...But i could be wrong.

For your entertainment...here is a scene from the greatest video game of all time

MIKE TYSON'S PUNCH OUT!

Mike Tyson gets day in jail for cocaine, DUI